The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo Character Photos, Rooney Mara

Sony Pictures

Dear Ted:
In my opinion, Lisbeth Salander wins on the badass scale, but I have a somewhat sexist complaint. Why did they make a genuinely pretty girl like Rooney Mara so ugly for this role [in The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo]? At least Noomi Rapace still offered a good-looking lead. Hollywood tends to be very focused on looks and I can imagine people might not like this movie because of her.

Dear Dungeons and Dragons:
Hey, uglying up has worked in quite a few actresses' favor—just ask Charlize Theron and her friggin' Oscar. Which is why I gotta disagree, B., I'm thrilled that T-town is finally serving up a tough chick who isn't all prissy and dolled up—it's about damn time.

Dear Ted:
What has mischievous King Schlong been up to recently? You haven't mentioned him in a while and I'm gossip hungry. Is he still a regular Vicer or not? Also, does King have another pseudonym, or is the player only known as Schlong on your site? I'm curious 'bout this one...
—Callie Girl

Dear One Name Fits All:
He's always been and always will be King Schlong. As for what he's been up to these days, the same old sexting shenanigans. He's (reluctantly) cut back on the extracurricular bedroom play though, as he's being watched mighty closely these days.

Dear Ted:
May I beg for a moment? Please give us some inside scoop on recent events with Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston. He had to know that what he was saying would cause a media uproar. My only question is, why? Why now? He says he wants his privacy, so why on earth would he talk about his ex 7 years later?

Dear Verbal Diarrhea:
Maybe he wanted to drum up some attention for his total snoozefest of a flick? Or maybe it was just bad timing on a misconstrued comment that he meant tres innocently? Probably one of those two.

Dear Ted:
I have always been indifferent with Minka Kelly, but with all the press she's been doing for Charlie's Angels, I have really started to become a fan. Not only is she gorgeous, but it seems sweet and kind. Please tell me she as sweet as she seems.

Dear Kelley Green with Envy:
The gal can't be all sugar and spice—she had to have made a deal with the devil at some point to look that hot. Too bad she didn't land a better TV show in the deal...

Dear Ted:
For the love of all shelter pets, ex-smokers, Glee, NPH and anything else you adore, Ted, can you please make a pact with the rest of us (sane) readers that you will not print one more question on whether R.Pattz and K.Stew broke up? I'm begging you. Can you just make a statement that when and if they do break up you will issue a special alert bulletin, alarms will go off, the heavens will open...but until such time they aren't broken up.
—T. Heyarent Brokenup

Dear My Lips Are Sealed:
Haven't I tried doing that, babe? I said they're fine but if I don't deny ever rumor that hits the net about these two, I end up getting bitched at for holding out on you Robstenites. What's a gossip columnist to do?

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