Supernatural, Jensen Ackles, Jared Padalecki

Jack Rowand/The CW

Dear Ted:
I've just recently become a fan of Supernatural. My fantasies begin and end with how cool it would be to meet them. Every message board I visit has fans in all out wars over Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles. I've even seen direct attacks on Danneel Harris on her Twitter account—WTH?! Do you think privately J2 and their spouses feel the way I do—that a lot of their fans are passengers on the crazy train?
—Confused in Cincinnati

Dear Trending Topic Trouble:
Oh, I know they do, doll. But don't worry about Mrs. Ackles too much—she's a tough chick and knows that a couple cuckoo tweeters comes with the turf. But after all the threats, rumors, and nasty @replies, she's getting the last laugh, right?

Dear Ted:
Jessica Simpson
and Nick Lachey have lived their lives in the tabloids ever since Newlyweds. Did they have any Vicey behavior before marriage, especially Nick since he was older? They both seem so boring now.

Dear Till Vice Do Us Part:
You've got the wrong ex and the wrong time period, babe. I'm way more interested in the juicy dirt on Jessica post-split. You should be too.

Dear Ted:
You once said Nevis Divine would most likely be going to rehab sometime in the future. Do you have any updates on that? Is he back to boozing it up and running with the Hollywood girls and guys again? We haven't heard about Nevis in a while, so give us a bone to gnaw on. Thanks, sir.

Dear Divine Intervention:
In the future, maybe, but not just yet. He still tends to bury his bisexual sorrows in a bottle, but he's letting it show less these days. At least in his actions, all that liquor has definitely taken a toll on his formerly parfait puss.

Dear Ted:
OK so now you're saying Niley is dunzo (way to turn your back on Nick Jonas and Miley Cyrus fans). Anyway do you really see a future to Nick Jonas and this Delta Goodrem? They just seem fake. I want to puke. Urg.

Dear Mrs. Robinson:
It's no showmance, but it's certainly no Demi and Ashton 2.0 either, Q. Nick is enjoying his (slightly) older conquest for now, and why shouldn't he? But this relaysh definitely has an expiration date. And I see it rapidly approaching.

Dear Ted:
Please stop suggesting Lea Michele and Ryan Gosling as a good couple. As if her 'tude would ever suit the famously low key stud. Why not suggest better women such as Anna Kendrick or even Jennifer Lawrence?

Dear Opposites Attract:
Ry and Lea have more in common than you think, chica. Which is why I think they'd make one hot couple—at least for a fling. It's not like they have to tie the knot or anything. Anna isn't a bad idea either tho, love her!

Dear Ted:
Rob Pattinson
is a narcissist. He loves the attention. He's smart he plays it off as if he doesn't really like it and says he's shy. He was an unpopular unnoticed child so this is a turnaround for him and he's loving it. Who wouldn't? It's just sad the way he plays on women's and young girls' emotions. He tells you want you wanna hear.

Dear Bitter Betty:
Wow, Kiwi, you sound like you've been burned by Edward Cullen himself! If you don't want him to enjoy the attention, then don't give it to him. Simple as that.

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