Blind Vice

Death-Mint Myrtle is the successful star of small and big screen. But it’s her addicting show, At Home with Hate, that—even though some jealous bitches say is past its prime à la DMM—it’s really put Deathy back on the glossier maps. Hate is still a ratings force to be reckoned with on prime time, no BS. Now, Death-Mint might be enjoying the spotlight, but she’s still got a slew of secrets up her size 0 sleeves that are slowly slipping out. This actress’ apparently hideous eating habits are getting to be such a prob, not only for her feeble frame but for her fellow coworkers on the hit show.

See, the crew is quite inconvenienced whenever DMM has a scene, since it takes an extralong time to stage the camera angles just so, so that Ms. Myrtle’s obvious dubious health isn’t so noticeable to the naive TV viewer at home. “We have to make it look like she actually has a chest sometimes,” bitched one totally in-the-know Hate worker bee, and he wasn’t talkin’ boobs, honey-pies.

Howev, Myrtle might be battling an unfortunate mastication sitch, along with some unfair double standards. Despite her skinny skeleton, our girl’s handling the aging process quite well—offscreen. But in TV land, normal lifelines don’t fly. Wrinkles and creases in Myrtle’s forehead, due to her wilting frame, are blurred out in postprod of the show, since makeup sure can’t cover every little unwanted bit. The question to ponder is, why the show’s producers are even trying so hard, when DMM is always being upstaged by her cuter costars.

Oh, of course, guess they like the tension on camera. What a doofus question. Forget we asked.

And it ain't:
Joely Fisher

Matthew Simmons/

Mariska Hargitay

Steve Granitz/

30 Rock, Tina Fey

NBC/Barbara Nitke

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