Blind Vice

This one’s about everything you’ve come to expect in Hollywood: bad outfits, dubious hairdos and even worse manners.  

Tanya Tush-Tease and Bubba Hubba are such the H-town spoiled stars. Sure, they like their swag out the wazoo (who doesn’t, besides moi?), but we can’t exactly crucify the very beautifully bottomed couple for that Debra Messing-esque behavior alone now, can we? Well, we could, but it’s better than that. Read on: 

T3 and B.H. and their fancy-bummed set o’ pals, like a lotta petunia-obsessed jokers out here, live to send extravagant flower arrangements (mostly to each other). This fierce flora set is sorta the same as those deranged women—and men, too—who think just because a guy’s majorly endowed he’s gonna be big-time fun in bed. So wrong! 

Nevertheless, TTT and B-boy keep sending bigger and bigger arrangements, courtesy the loyal florist who has been tirelessly servicing the often ridiculously outfitted couple for years. But what’s interesting—and pretty mother-effin’ sick, if you ask this sicko mother-effer—is that the more millions this Tinseltown couple makes, the less often they pay their damn fleur bill.

In fact, it’s gotten so bad lately the polite flower arranger had to ask for payment, only to be told, “Well, couldn’t we pay you less money for recommendations?” 

Stupidly, the woebegone wisteria arranger agreed. 

Guess who’s getting paid even less often than before? Uh-huh, Tanya and Bubba’s poor put-upon florist, who’s now so ingrained with this couple’s decadent set she’s loathe to bolt for fear of losing the rest of her posh clientele. 

What’s the matter here, you two (often) bad-acting, money-grubbing dilettantes? Is stealing from other people’s livelihoods as exciting to you as swinging with those same-sex partners you two hotties are so burnin’ for? Don’t think for a second we don’t know to whom a ton o’ those phallus-shaped buds are being delivered.

And it ain't:
Tom Hanks, Rita Wilson

Lisa O'Connor/

Rebecca Romijn, Jerry O'Connell

Steve Granitz//

Nicole Kidman, Keith Urban

Kevin Mazur/

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