Oh, girlfriends, we’re very girlie today, so get ready to de-butch yourselves somethin’ fierce, first with Lance ‘n’ Reichen, then a mysterious S&M-esque star who’s got a most painful boudoir habit. Plus, single stars Hilary and Ryan step out!
I'm so blue, you, too?
 
I mean, what with Hilary&Chad&Whitney&Bobby&Britney&Kevin&
Reese&Ryan all busting up, I've just been a romantic mess. Here's what I simply had to do:
Lance Bass, Reichen Lehmkhul

Seth Browarnik/WireImage.com

I sent Desk SoBe on a mission. See, Reichen Lehmkuhl 'n' Lance Bass, the homosexual version of Roseanne and Tom Arnold, if there ever was one, flitted through Ef-Hell-Ay recently. So, I asked my investigative installment in South Beach, Martin Haro, to please put a little emergency query to the freshly announced duo. Since we're all so down 'bout celeb love 'n' all, thought R&L might be just what we need to see that genuine amour still occurs among the rich 'n' infamous, right? Never mind, just read on:
 
Desk SoBe: "When did you know you were in love with Lance?"
 
Reichen [quite categorically, yet quasi friendly]: "I don't discuss [those aspects of] my relationship with Lance with the press. But I will say he's very supportive of me, and I am very supportive of him."
 
Damn! That bitch can be evasive, huh? And I thought it was gonna be all sweet kissy-poos 'n' such. The friggin' hets play better than this, already!
 
Neverthepartyingless, the pretty pair (at least one half) wasn't "snuggly-wuggly," Martin reports (he reads this column too much), but they were "polite" with each other.
Wait a minute...polite? Ugh. These two honeys just may not be the tongue-slobbering eternal hookup material I've been so desiring as of late. Mushy merde.
 
Further downer dish from Desk SoBe:
 
R&L left their digs at the Delano for Social, where Lance met Reichen's ex, this guy named Chip who won The Amazing Race with R. Chip lives in South Beach. The meet was very cool. Reichen introduced Lance to Chip, and they talked for a bit. Lance did appear to act a bit more boyfriend-ly after Chip got to Social, so, at least there's that to hold onto, right?
Matthew McConaughey, Lance Armstrong

Seth Browarnik/WireImage.com

I know, I know, it's actually pathetic looking to these two jokers for uplifting romance chitter chatter, so I guess we'll just have to wonder: Why oh why has Lance Armstrong been back to SoBe for yet another visit?
 
Matthew McConaughey in town, or somethin'?
Ryan Phillippe

Steve Granitz/WireImage.com

Ryan Phillippe, dining with some dudes in South Beach. The newly separated hunk ditched paparazzi-infested Hell-Ay last week after the bustup bomb dropped, opting for some Ef-Hell-Ay R&R. R.P. had din-din at the Forge with friends and partied at Glass afterward. The curly cutie kept "an amazingly low profile, like his last film," reports my balmy Desk Bitchy. Don't even bother lookin', Ry, they don't come any better than Reese! Speaking of Oscar-winning ex-wives, spotted up north was...
Hilary Swank

Jerome Ware/ZUMA Press.com

Hilary Swank, newly coiffed and with her new agent-manager boy-toy. Four Seasons in New Yawk on Tuesday eve. "She was giggly and happy...with bangs!" girlie-gawked my coif witness. Maybe H.S. got those hairy additions to cover the stitches she suffered from the snapped suspender on the set of P.S., I Love You? 'Cause there was no sign of her boo-boo, according to onlookers. Sporting luscious locks elsewhere was...
Eva Mendes

Amy Graves/WireImage

Eva Mendes, leavin' a late, leisurely lunch on Sunday. Doughboy's on Third Street in Hell-Ay. Eva-hon looked low-key yet lovely in a black shirt 'n' skirt, Coach wedges, big ol' shades and a pony. The über-lovely Latina was dining with a tall, dark-haired, well-muscled dude who looked like he'd just come from the gym. Is that your boyfriend, babe? Or is he just how you keep that bitchin' bod of yours in fine-ass form? Prolly the latter, huh? Damn.
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