AP Photo/Ric Feld

Hello, precious readers! Thanks again for all of your questions. As always, we're sorry that (a) we aren't Joel McHale and (b) that we aren't able to respond to each and every one of your queries. We are just one man and are barely competent at that. Let's begin as we do every Q&A session with the question of attending a taping of The Soup.

Brittanyalyssa asks: you should have tickets to see the show. me and my boyfriend allen love the show and would really like to go and be in the audience.

elizabeth6 asks: There is always so much laughter and audience participation on The Soup. Where is it taped, and how can we get tickets to be in the audience?

Domesticdisposal asks: How can I get tickets???? What if I donate my husband to be Mankini's date for a taping?

Yes, it would be wonderful to be able to attend a taping of The Soup but, sadly, as mentioned here it is just not possible for a variety of legal reasons that are as frustrating as they are dull. We would love to be able to have a bigger audience but for now, you may only watch from the comfort and safety of your home or office.

P.S.: You know that feeling that you get when you're at work and you swear that you're doing the same thing over and over again? This morning we came up with an exceedingly clever name for that phenomenon: dayjob vu.

Feel free to use this as you see fit. Neither credit nor payment is necessary, though it would be appreciated.

Ryan Seacrest, Tyra Banks

Steve Granitz/, Kevin Mazur/

Deppjohnnylv asks: Dear Joel, Do celebrities get mad at you because you make fun of them? It's hilarious, especially, Tyra and Ryan. They're so annoying.
In the course of the several years that The Soup has been on the air, we have doubtlessly upset a few people. We are renowned for our pointed invective, after all. But so far any hot-blooded seething our celebrity victims may have experienced seems to have been cooled down by the endless flutter of cash raining down upon them. At least we hope so anyway. Where’s our bulletproof turtleneck?

Fizzyizzysoda asks: does joel have a catch phrase? his own original 1?
Not sure about a catch phrase, Fizzyizzysoda. The only thing that Joel ever seems to say to us is "Who are you and why are you speaking to me?" We hear that a lot.

Aangel asks: This is a video I saw from my local news station. You may or may not care, but I thought I would pass it along anyway.
Thanks for the hot tip, Aangel. We can imagine that anyone watching the news that night for traffic information might have found the broadcast very frustrating. Until they finally loosened up and let the music take over. Like Funkadelic said, "Free your mind and your Hyundai Elantra will follow."

Masonhg asks: Who played the Kim Catrall Double Entendre-Bot last week?
That was one of our writers, Tess Rafferty. No joke here, just a reasonable and accurate answer. Weird.

the_amazing_syd asks: what episode of will and grace was joel on?
You know, for someone who calls themselves "amazing," you'd think he would have heard of IMDb.

Mayoandranch asks: where does joel live?
In the hearts and minds of his fans, of course! Or do you mean like a home address in Los Angeles? Because he specifically asked us to stop giving that information out. Apparently, he doesn't want his mailbox jammed with flowers and well wishes.

The Soup: As Long As...

E! Networks

niccis14 asks: Are Joel and The Soup executives amazed at the progress The Soup has made over the past year and how it's not a nobody show like it used to be and now its popular?
Yes, niccis14, we certainly are impressed—yes, we're counting ourselves as one of your Soup executives even though we have no right—and after countless hours of research we've finally been able to determine just what it was that piloted The Soup from "nobody" status into the powerhouse show-business juggernaut it is today. The answer may surprise you as much as it did us. Though he's certainly an adequate host, it's not Joel. Nor is it Lou, Mankini or any other cast member, writer, employee or executive of The Soup. The answer? Widespread corruption, blackmail and pay-offs.
Confidential to Willard S.: Your check is late.

ilv2singnact asks: is there any way you can change the time for the soup to premiere on Fridays? Like 8:30 maybe?
No, but if you move far enough East, it'll feel like it's on earlier. For a while, at least. Then you'll have to move again, but at some point you'll probably be several miles below the surface of the Atlantic Ocean and reception there is notoriously bad.

Veronicaabby asks: Does Joel McHale have any influences like a comedian or actor? (and i will kill you if you say ryan seacrest.)
Joel's primary influence is death threats from his fans.

kristie asks: Hey, Joel is it fun hosting The Soup?! At first I thought it was stupid, but after I watched it another time I loved it.
We think we'd probably get a similar response if we could ever make it to a second date with a woman. Or a first date. Or if they would just stop calling the police to report us for hanging out on their porch while they are at work.

Lou Poppers

E! Networks

Leulich asks: Who owns Lou, and does he get paid for being on the show?
Lou is owned and operated by the executive producer of The Soup, Ed Boyd. Lou receives no compensation, monetary or otherwise, for his appearances on the show since, as a dog, he really has little to no idea what is happening at any given moment.

patricia.russell asks: Can I have your dog? I love him.........
Yes, you may. Just as soon as we're done with him. He's got an appearance booked on Celebrity Circus next week where they are going to shoot him out of a cannon, through a wall of fire and into a ferocious tiger's mouth. Shouldn't be a problem.

Askashley asks: can u start answering some of these questions offline and on the show?
Shhh! Are you trying to put this blog out of a job or something? Geez.

mollipop123 asks: Does Joel make up the things he says on the spot, or does he have a script?
Shhh. Are you trying to put the writers out of a job or something? Geez, part II.

Chat Stew

E! Networks

justdoit360 asks: Hey! I liked how before when you introduce "Chat Stew" and the animation said "So meaty" how everyone said something like "eww" maybe. I noticed you don't do that anymore, I thought that was funny. Ha Ha. OK bye.
That post-"So Meaty" groan is the sole provenance of our stage manager, Tom McNamara. He delivers or doesn't based on his whim. Trying to tell him what to do is like asking a tornado to bring you some fried chicken. It might happen, but it's unlikely.

smiley-emo asks: will there be any new segments on the show soon?
Bored already, eh? We've proposed a few new segments ourselves, but so far none of them have been received with a welcome grin and wide-open arms. Just yesterday they rejected this one: Eating Half of an Egg Salad Sandwich With Clog Narter. Unbelievable, right? Oh well. Maybe they'll be more interested on the other side of this cubicle, over at True Hollywood Story.

shppingk6 asks: what is this?? what qustion do i ask
Here are a few good ones that we feel qualified to answer:

  1. What is your favorite Jeeves & Wooster short story?
  2. This carton of milk is very old, should I drink it?
  3. What do you want written on your gravestone?

Please select from any of those and try again.

The Soup "So Meaty" Mug

E! Networks

famguy1luver asks: can u give out free the soup merchandise on here or whatver? cuz that would be so freaking sweet
It's funny that you'd say that because from where we're sitting it seems that it would be so freaking sweet if you were to pay us money for The Soup merchandise. Different strokes and all that.

lily-mar asks: are you hoping the kardashians will get another season?
It's a loaded question, isn't it, lily-mar? On the one hand, of course not. But then on the other, of course not, again. Still, one must look at the larger picture when one considers these things. Nobody ever hopes for a swarming of locusts to descend upon them and yet, after it's passed, the... No, that doesn't work. It's more like when your cattle are stricken with anthrax and it seems terrible at first, but... No, that's no good either. Hmmm. Well, there's some metaphor or simile that applies here but we'll be blowed if we can think of it at the moment. Readers are invited to offer suggestions.

The Kardashians, Funplex

E! Networks

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