While the world (and a few of her close buds) await Nicole Kidman's mea something—we trust—over the nasty-ass habits some members of her security team prefer, let's find out just how unusual hyperaggression is in this town. Plus, Eva Longoria Parker and The Bachelor battiness, are you very scared?
Nicole Kidman

Fame Pictures

Think the folks at Flynet are the unluckiest schmucks snapping celebs? Hey, Nicole Kidman's cronies aren't the only bod-guards to get on the defensive in a destructive way. Let's get some history goin'—here's a rundown of our fave goon-guards-gone-wild moments, complete with how much damage really went down.
Katie Holmes

Alexandra Wyman/WireImage.com

1. Katie Holmes

Queen Katie was stepping out of her car while arriving at a Mad Money press appointment, and her bevy of bodyguards tried to clear a path betwixt all the snappy paps 'n' deranged fans. Looks like one of them got a little too shove-happy, and the keeper's mighty mitts pushed a petite female photog a little too hard. The whiny femme-pap complained the guard assaulted her and broke her camera. Just think, if Katie had stayed a simple indie-girl, no one would've gotten hurt.

Actual Damage Done?  A broken camera and a bruised ego.

Reputation Hurt?  Not at all. Quite the opposite, in fact. Suddenly, Katie Holmes is the new sought-after Tom Cruise.

angelina jolie, brad pitt

Steve Granitz/WireImage.com

2. Angie 'n' Brad

Back when Shiloh had just premiered in People and Pax was still unfortunately orphaned, J&P spent some time in India while Ange-babe was shooting A Mighty Heart. A fleet of paps were outside the hotel, snapping pics of the gorgeous, sexually satisfied duo, like you'd expect anything less. But no one was anticipating the celebs' bodyguard, a stout, white-haired fella, to single out one of the snappers and seriously strangle him for a few gaspy seconds.

Damage Done?  Choke marks. Worth it to get near Brangelina's glow, no?

Reputation Hurt?  Hardly! This savvy megawatt twosome could incur the unintentional paralyzation of an army of risk-taking paps and the world would still coo over their latest release, i.e., child. But that's only as long as Ange-babe keeps her man around. All lovey-doveyness with the media—and the world, for that matter—is off, Ms. Jolie, once you ditch your All-American chump. Just don't say you weren't warned!

Pete Wentz

Barry Brecheisen/WireImage.com

3. Pete Wentz

Petey-poo was rockin' the bass during the final song of a Fall Out Boy show in New Mexico back in '06. He and his band's security peeps started helping fans onto the stage to sing along, so sweet. Howevs, the venue's security wasn't in on the fun, and they threw fans back into the pit all Akon-like. FOB's security got into a kerfuffle with the other guards, and whammo! The punches start flyin' for a uniformed-guard smackdown! The fight fell into the crowd, with Wentzy's emo ego getting into the fisticuffs as well.

Actual Damage Done?  Smeared guyliner. And an awesome story to tell everyone in homeroom on Monday.

Reputation Harmed?  Nothing an exposed-private-parts email exchange (further, ahem, fallout) and dating a Simpson sis couldn't fix.

Sean "Diddy" Combs, Unforgivable Fragrance launch

Stephen Lovekin/WireImage.com

4. Diddy

Just a few months ago, a hip-hop promoter tried to introduce himself to the music mogul at the Box, a Manhattan club-type joint. Before he could say "loved ya on Broadway, babe, and congrats on the kids," according to a lawsuit, D's thug-like protectors punched the promoter square in the mug, then used his bod as a soccer ball once he was down on the ground. The freaked-out fella escaped the place after being chased around the club.

Damage Done?  More harm was brought to Diddy than to the promoter's pounded face—he's suing Combs for $4 million. Maybe next time a handshake and a smile would suffice, huh, Dids?

Reputation Harmed?  Diddy escaped relatively unscathed from those gun charges back during his J.Lo years (the best period for both those troublemakers, by far...Neither one's really had the same dynamo on their own—or with anybody else—since). But another hoodlum-esque strike just may see the Didster right on out of those front-row fashion seats he covets so.

James Gandolfini

Bobby Bank/WireImage.com

5. James Gandolfini

Who needs a bodyguard? Turns out James Gandolfini's an even tougher guy offscreen—bet he'd never get weepy over a flock of ducks like his HBO alter ego. At the beginning of this year, J.G. had just arrived at JFK when he was bugged by an annoying fan clamoring for a photo with the jet-lagged gent. After being snapped at—photographically, mind you, is there really a diff?—one too many times, Jamie-G grabbed the star-screwer by the collar and growled right in his face. Jeez, who needs a publicist or a lawyer? Gandy then immediately did his own damage control and apologized, taking a photo with the poor sap.

Damage Done?  A little, for sure. And we certainly hope the ruffled fan got a copy and framed that damn pic, since it cost him a lifetime of nightmares involving Tony Soprano repeatedly whacking him.

Reputation Harmed?  Nah. All is forgiven in the land of 2 billion Emmys.

We've got some yum for all you boob-tube junkies who fill up your nights watching shows stocked out the wazoo with nothing but preservatives and empty calories. Hey, it may be bad for you, but damn, it's delish and fills a constant never-ending hunger for entertainment during those other six nights a week Lost ain't on.
Matt Grant


Desk Hookup called. See, our insider over at The Bachelor: London Calling (It's dubious the Clash had any say in lending their song title over to a televised dating competish) gave us some hints to picking this year's winner, since all the eps have already been filmed and edited. If ya like your reality TV with suspense and mystery, consider this your spoiler alert. Otherwise, call your Bachelor bookie ASAP!

Turns out the winner of British boy-toy Matt Grant's (how Mr. Darcy-esque is that name?) affections is a flaxen-haired honey who "works in the Industry." Big shocker, eh? Way to narrow down the dolls. I bet every babe on the show considers herself an actress and/or model in one way or another, prolly since she's good-lookin' enough to score a sweet spot on the boob tube. When's the shy, mousy kindergarten teach gonna snag some reality TV ass?

In other news, we still think David Archuleta is going to be crowned king of Idol, but that insider info comes directly from our li'l hearts.

Eva Longoria

Fame Pictures, Inc

Celebs have, on occasion, been known to celebrate in steroided style. When a B-day rolls along, a simple supper with some pals ain't gonna cut it.

Paris throws herself a ton of preposterously staged bashes all February long, lest anyone forget she managed to stay alive another full year. But for Eva Longoria Parker's 33rd special moment, all she needed was one giant shindig to roll in the big double-three. Frankly, we're shocked she's only 33. We just assumed she still looks so young because of witchy-like beauty soups, not actual youth. Who knew we were wrong? But let's face it: There's something suspiciously Catherine Zeta-Jones about this broomstick type. Guess we'll have to save that delving into for another, less celebratory time, huh?

Danny Devito

Steve Granitz/WireImage.com

Tony was told to stay at home so the partying girl and 12 (yep, a dozen) of her BFFs could pile up in a plane and head to Miami for a girl's night out. The bunch dined at elite eatery DeVito South Beach—yes, named after and co-owned by the diminutive Danny D. himself. In case you have not heard (can't imagine you haven't), Lady Longoria and her lucky gal guests shot back Limoncello like champs and devoured a mile-high chocolate cake, complete with sparklers and cotton candy, as if a giant pile of chocolate dessert wasn't bad enough for your bod.

If this is what Eve-babe demands for her 33rd, how the hell is she gonna top this destination diva-thon for her 40th? Doubt we'll ever know, since ELP will never admit to being 40. Hope next year's 33rd birthday is just as fab, Missus P! What excuse will you conjure up that time for Tony's absence, we wonder.

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