Tom shortens Katie's leash so much that TomKat is now apparently Siamese, and the Wilson bros con Americans out of two hours of their lives! Also, Cam Diaz takes some time off from promoting Shrek the Third to third-wheel it herself. You might wanna grab some tissues for this one...
Katie Holmes

Djamilla Rose Cochran/WireImage.com

Just a bit from Desk Toledo before we get on to more heathen-esque, less homegrown goings-on. Some of Katie Holmes Cruise’s old buds in Ohio are newly lamenting what the rest of us jaded types have known for eons now: Poor Katie has been eaten alive by her puffy, public-relations-and-Scientology-obsessed hubby.

Friend X used to be extremely close to K.H. Like, we’re tawkin’ tight-ass girlfriend level, fer sure. “They talked on the phone all the time and confided in each other,” assured Desk Toledo, one of my most crackerjack correspondents. But then, once Katie and Tom calmed down (a tad) from touring their glossy-ized megatoothed duo show, Ms. H.-C. and her old amiga had lunch.

“She was excited,” DT (who's, 'course, close to the Katie pal) told me about Friend X's luncheon with her old bud. But wait! What happened next was straight out of some tabloid or housewife horror movie:   

“Katie came with her Scientology minder and was only able to talk superficially,” 'splained my Mimwestern reporter, who added the get-together was nothing more than some sort of Stepford Wives-like tea. Soon after, Katie stopped the disheartened friend's calls. “[Katie] then changed her cell phone number and email address, and the two haven't spoken since.”

Tom Cruise

Steve Granitz/WireImage.com

Additionally, Katie's mama, always known round town as the friendliest of townsfolk, now tools around the hood running errands, picking up her grandkids and such. But Missus H. very rarely now gets out of the car—which is unusual, as she used to be quite social.“She just sits in her Mercedes, which is several years old,” adds DT, with the kind of snobbish detail I adore.

Yo, Tom-babe! If you’re gonna get your in-laws all stiff-ass ‘n’ stuff, at least get ‘em something more posh to be all pissy (and press shy) in, 'kay?

Cameron Diaz

Kevin Mazur/wireImage.com

Anyone wondering how Cam Diaz is doing these days in the dating pool? I know it’s been keeping me up at night, so imagine my sadness when I heard my fave age-embracing Angel rolled up to Chateau Marmont Friday night with undercover lovers Drew Barrymore and Spike Jonze in tow.

Nothing like playing third wheel to a new twosome to make you feel bad and remember you’ve gone through a breakup with the guy who supposedly brought sexy back, huh? My heart aches for poor Cam at this point. She got a little ego stroke though, when a table full of fawning fans asked for a pic with her. Cam-doll, clad in black skinny jeans, black top and white mesh pumps, happily obliged.

Cameron Diaz, Leonardo DiCaprio

Kevin Mazur/WireImage.com

But here's where things turned around…because shortly after said photo op, Cam 'n' Drew 'n' Spike were joined by none other than Leonardo DiCaprio. Like, I know he has a girlfriend and all, but remember how flirty C. & L. were at the InStyle Golden Globes party? I was sure there was an amour connection just waiting to happen on this sudden double date.

Alas, I was wrong. Although the saliva factor was ferociously high between Drew and Spike, I hate to report there were zero sparks flying between Cam 'n' Leo.

Bar Rafaeli

Lalo Yasky/WireImage.com

"He was sitting across from her, rather than next to her, the whole time. There was nothing," reports Desk Platonic. "Leo kept going outside for cigs and to text on his BlackBerry." Fielding pissy texts from Bar Refaeli, perhaps?

"Another guy came and sat next to Cameron for a while, but it didn't look romantic at all," they add. How disappointing.

Is it weird that my jaded ass is rooting for Cam to find love again? Maybe she could hook up with single and searching Adam Brody and continue her cougar trend?

Owen Wilson

John Sciulli/WireImage.com

“Probably getting this movie made...and getting Owen in it!”

Above is the answer given by one Luke Wilson at the premiere of the con-man tale The Wendell Baker Story, when I asked him the biggest hoax he ever pulled off. Truer words have never been spoken.

The movie, about an illegal operator, of sorts, who has a change of heart, is complete clunk-o-rama material. Despite being penned and directed by the brothers Wilson, the flick falls ferociously flat and never gets particularly funny, despite a cameo by Will Ferrell.

Eva Mendes

Lalo Yasky/WireImage.com

Eva Mendes is also in the movie. She basically looks doable and pouts through most of her scenes.

“I’m not the conning type of girl,” the Latina looker told me, when I ask what scams she’s pulled off. “I have this look about me...I look like a bad girl! I was always singled out in school. Like ‘You! In the hallway! Come here!’ And I always had a note from my mom. I actually abide by the rules, so I don’t have the con thing in me.” 

Okay, fine, Little Ms. Innocent, in your orange-yellow strapless number. “Ever been conned yourself?” I asked, knowing the answer was yes, as she participated in this subpar project. Eva paused for a long minute, as if tallying the times in her head. “Yeah!” she finally admitted with a laugh, without elaboration.

Maybe the bros Wilson used their southern charms to get Eva signed on to this project? “They’re total gentlemen,” she gushed of the Dallas dudes. “They’re really, really sweet. They’re like old-fashioned cowboys. They’d lay down their coats for the lady to cross the pond.”
Owen Wilson, Luke Wilson, Andrew Wilson

Jack Plunkett/WireImage.com

Which is why I don’t understand how the normally fabulously cool Texas threesome (Wendell was codirected by Andrew Wilson) created this movie, which is hideously mean to old people—some characters are even more ancient than moi—among other groups of non-white-boyishness. 

You guys trying to get a private screening at the White House or something? 

Fergie

Kevin Mazur/WireImage.com

Bit more from that Lyric Culture bash where Fergie did her thang (and my cohort Hollywood Party Girl's got even more dirt, if the following leaves you jonesin'):

Makin' her way down the black, grunge carpet was Brittany Snow, whose latest film, Hairspray—costaring John Travolta and Michelle Pfeiffer—just to name a few, is releasing at the end of July. The supersweet Ms. Snow, dressed in jeans, white vest and boyfriend Michael Johnson's vintage rocker tank, stopped to answer a quick Q from yours truly.

"What's the hottest lyric ever written?" I pressed, hoping for something slightly more edgy than Ms. Es appeared.

Brittany Snow

John Shearer/WireImage.com

"I remember in 'Mr. Brightside' by the Killers, when he's talking about his sink is sinking," Brit-babe offered. "I was like, dang, that's good. That's a really good analogy."

Sinks? Am I missing some sort of highly erotic plumbing innuendo?

Brittany, darlin', your amour ear gets an ef, as far as I'm concerned!

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