Donald Trump shows us his true, penny-pinching ways at a launch party for his new libation, while TomKat seemingly celebrate Suri's B-day a few months earlier. Are they as bad at math as Rachel McAdams is at choosing hair colors, or is somethin' fishy?

Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes

Alberto E. Rodriguez/WireImage.com

Oh, girlfriends, get ready! The Suri Holmes-Cruise rumor mill is back in action. Get a load of the latest one I'm hearing about TomKat's din-din out at Cut a week ago. Ready to dig in?

According to a nearby, terribly observant, good-looking type, the veddy famous newlyweds appeared to be celebrating Suri's one-year anniversary. 'Cause they sure were giving her some awfully nice gifties! B-day time already?

Now, that wouldn't make very much sense, would it, considering Suri-doll was supposedly born on Apr. 18 (although we never saw a birth certificate until 20 days later)? That'd be about four months off, right? 'Course, I've never been terrific with math, but you get the somethin's-fishy drift, I'm sure.
Chris Klein

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Certainly if you buy into the conspiracy theories that Chris Klein is really the dad and Suri was actually born way earlier than April, then that'd be right on track. But of course, Camps Cruise and Klein have denied this one for ages.

But like I said, this birthday biz appears to be the latest TomKat tumult getting ready to hit—just wanted everybody to be prepared. Isn't that way thoughtful of me?

And just keep in mind: I report the rumors—you decide!

Donald Trump

Jamie McCarthy/WireImage.com

Okay, so I'm not very fond of Donald Trump, his big mouth and his gawd-awful coiffure, but my Awful associate, Cristina Gibson, is a fan of free booze, whatever. So, she made her way over to the launch party for Trump Vodka Wednesday night at Les Deux.

Supposedly, this was to be a star-studded, red carpet event. But the only peeps who hit the carpet were Donald (duh), Donald Jr. with his pregnant wife and a few other not so VIPs.

I mean, geez, no Melania, at the very least? Someone needs to be there to balance out the Donald's less than appealing self, right?

Jessica Simpson, Ashlee Simpson

Michael Caulfield/WireImage.com

Jessica and Ashlee Simpson skipped the carpet and snuck in through the side door. Why's that, girls? Embarrassed to be associated with Trump vodka, or somethin'?

(Can't say I blame ya, if so.)

 Paris and Stavros also made a very quickie appearance. They came in holding hands and ducked out nanoseconds later. Perhaps P. deemed the party "not hot" enough for her socialite standards?

Paris Hilton, Stavros Niarchos

Kevin Mazure/WireImage.com

As I'm sure you can understand, due to this lackluster celeb scene, Cristina-doll was more than ready for a Trump vodka-soda on the Donald's tab, and she bellied up to the bar.

But quelle horreur! There was no open bar whatsoever and no freebie cocktails for the guzzling in sight. I mean, is that effin' unbelievable or what? Picture it: a launch party for a new libation, thrown by one of the richest men in the world, as he often likes to remind us—and he can't even spring for a sponsored bar?

Brandon Davis

Dimitrios Kambouris/WireImage.com

Très tacky. Almost as unfortunate as Brandon Davis, greasing around said party and being his usual obnoxious self.

Come to think of it, he almost reminds one of a Trump in training: Vulgar amounts of money often bragged about? Check. Ditzo hair? Check. Bloated ego, even more bloated bod? Check. Big mouth who likes to hear himself spew hateful obscenities about other celebs? Double-check.

Oh, for the alcoholic record, someone was kind enough to purchase a cocktail for Ms. G. Her report on Trump's new potato-powered concoction:

"Like, underwhelming," C.G. replied, clearly struggling, when I pressed for a review. "It came in a gold bottle—does that help?"

Oh, yeah.

Desperate Housewives, Teri Hatcher

ABC/Danny Feld

Teri Hatcher and daughter Emerson, spotted over the weekend flying first class from LAX to JFK. Hatcher was wearing a pair of silver hookeresque stiletto boots. Wonder if Junior's got a pair, too? Fellow passengers noted Hatcher still looks very thin...and much older than a 43-year-old should! Now, this worries me. As, remember, it was...

Ms. H. who originally told me "40 is the new 30" (at the Golden Globes one year ago, actually), and that's one reason for my natural gray these days, 'cause, clearly, that coiff shade's the new blond—or so I thought. But now, I'm worried about your generational fashion forecasting, Tare-bear. Meanwhile, back in L.A., looking equally frail was...

Sienna Miller

Eamonn McCormack/WireImage.com

Sienna Miller, joining malnourished gal-pals Kate Bosworth and Samantha Ronson, aka DJ Skinny, in some gossip on the dance floor. Teddy's at the Roosevelt Hotel. Sienna had on a tiny green frock with impeccable hair, while Kate was in a white minidress. "There's something not right with her lips," sniffed Desk Teddy. Uh, yeah—maybe enough calories don't cross them? Lookin' lanky elsewhere was...

Barry Watson

Albert L. Ortega/WireImage.com

Barry Watson of ABC's What About Brian, finishing up what looked to be a pretty strenuous jog. Topanga Canyon late Thursday ayem. Although he was rather skinny, my workout witness reports he was "very cute and very sweaty"! Sounds acceptably thinlicous to moi!

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