Brody Jenner, Spencer Pratt

Barry King/, Chris Polk/

Last night, on America’s Next Top Model, Whitney Thompson was crowned, uh, America’s next top model. Elsewhere, T-Pain was nominated for 5 BET awards, and it was announced that Dog the Bounty Hunter will be returning to A&E this summer. So why do we still feel so empty inside? Shouldn’t this be a time of rejoicing, wherein we toss our burdens to the wind? Ah, but there’s a rain cloud for every sunbeam, and one of today’s news briefs has cast a damp pall over our umbrella-less morning.

“E! News has exclusively learned that Brody Jenner, a former Prince of Malibu and member of an extended reality-TV family [the Kardashians], has signed on to star in his own unscripted MTV series, Bromance, brought to you by Ryan Seacrest Productions. While it's currently unclear which bros are going to be Jenner's nearest and dearest, a source says it's possible [The Hills’] Spencer Pratt could appear on the show.”

Hold on, because this next part is complicated. So if my math is correct, Bromance will be a reality-TV show—excuse me, “unscripted series”—about a guy from a long-failed FOX reality show, who is brother-in-law to the family of a hit E! reality show and is also buddies with a dude from an MTV reality show. Hurm. OK. Meanwhile, we still can’t get anyone to even look at, much less finance, our own television pilot, Cop Ant. (It’s about an ant that’s also a cop. Or, vice versa. We can never get that straight. Interested parties may contact us via this website.)

Much has been written in the antitrust legislation circles about the danger of virtual monopolies that media giants like Viacom and this website’s own Comcast represent, but based on this news, it seems like the real threat to the competitive process and consumer welfare may lie in the pawns, not the players.

Therefore, I propose a new law, let’s call it Brody’s Law, to be enacted with all due haste which would limit the total number of an “actor’s” reality show series appearances or familial connections to be no greater than one per lifetime. (Though we’d actually prefer that number to be even lower in almost all cases, we feel it’s a fair compromise.)

If you support Brody’s Law—and if you don’t you are un-American—please sign our makeshift petition in the comments section below, listing which television personality you believe should heretofore be stricken from the airwaves.

Oh, and don’t think we didn’t notice your name in that news brief, Seacrest. You’re on thin ice, friend. Very thin.
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