Lily Allen is opening up about her relationship with ex-husband Sam Cooper.
The 33-year-old "Smile" singer and My Thoughts Exactly author gets candid about everything from marriage to mental health in the Nov. 2018 issue of Cosmopolitan's UK edition. Allen and Cooper, who tied the knot in 2011 and share two children together, split in 2016. Inside the magazine, Allen talks about her Sheezus tour and how she wasn't able to take her kids with her on the road.
"I had always assumed I'd chuck my kid over my shoulder and take them around the world," Allen tells the outlet. "But Sam didn't want that. He didn't think it was a stable environment for them. I think it was quite selfish. He got to stay at home and have the family that I'd just spent three years making inside me. I had to go out and earn money and leave that family behind."
"If the kids had been there it would have created a more stable environment," she continues. "When you wake up in a place where you don't know anybody and you've got 16 hours to kill, you've only got a few options."
Allen, who has since moved on with boyfriend Meridian Dan, recalls an argument with Cooper in 2016 over his new relationship.
"It was a build-up of everything and that was the straw that broke the camel's back," she tells Cosmo. "When I feel that the people I trust most have betrayed that, my whole world falls out from underneath me. [The staff] had me pinned down on the floor. I picked up a water cooler and threw it through the window. Dan said six nurses tackled me to the floor and they had the needle out and were about to knock me out and sedate me. Once the needle goes in, you're sectioned. [Dan] had to really fight with them not to do it."
Allen also talks to the magazine about fame and the toll it's taken on her.
"I was gearing up to do promo for the second album. That's when I started not eating, when I started thinking about having to do photo shoots and red carpets," she shares. "When I was feeling really bad, everything that I ate would come back up. If I wasn't, it would be just lunch or dinner. Part of me getting ready for a show would be to vomit for 20 minutes. Then I'd clean up my face and start doing my hair and make-up. I just felt really fat and grotesque."
When asked if she's in a "happy" place in her life now, Allen told Cosmo, "Look, happiness for me is your first E at Glastonbury – that's the happy place. I don't think I've ever had that base level of happiness. What I see as being happy is that fake level of happiness because that's what I've had from the spike in endorphins or whatever. But I'm in a happy relationship, my kids are thriving and I'm creating great music. I couldn't really ask for much more. So, yeah, I'm in a good place."
To read more of Allen's interview, head on over to Cosmo.