Jimmy Kimmel isn't going anywhere.
Before he hosts the 2017 Oscars this weekend, he stopped by The Ellen DeGeneres Show Thursday to clear up some rumors about his retirement plans (or lack thereof). In Variety's Feb. 3 cover story (out now), the Jimmy Kimmel Live! host said, "I want to go out on my own terms. If we ever feel like we're repeating ourselves, I think it's a good indication that it's time." After spending 14 years on late-night TV, he dreams of pursuing other creative endeavors. "I'd like to write a book at some point," he added. "Doing the show every day doesn't leave time for that."
But when Ellen DeGeneres mentioned it Thursday, Kimmel downplayed his comments.
"I did an interview and in it, the guy asked me, 'Do you ever think about retiring?' I said, 'I still have like three years left on my contract until 2020, and who knows at the end of that?' But I definitely didn't say I was retiring," the 49-year-old said. "Then [in articles] online, everyone was like: 'Jimmy Kimmel Is Retiring.' You go, 'Oh, that's nice that people care that I might possibly be retiring.' But just like that, there's an article: 'Here's a List of People Who Could Replace Him.'"
"There were a lot of good names! I think they should actually think of these people," the comedian joked with DeGeneres. "By 2020, we don't even know if there's going to be a United States of America anymore. Let's be honest. Who knows what's going to happen at that time?"
For now, Kimmel's focus is on the 89th Academy Awards. "You calmed me down a little bit, and I thank you. It's intimidating. I went back and I watched you host. I was like, 'All right. Well, it's not going to be that good.' If you were a 10, I'm really hoping for a 7.2. I'd be very happy with it. I feel like I'm pretty well prepared. You get close to that day and things sometimes change...I feel like I'll be OK," Kimmel insisted. "I have a tuxedo and everything. That's really all you need!"
To help Kimmel get ready, DeGeneres brought out "resident beauty expert and crazy person" Kym Douglas. "You've only got a couple of days," Douglas reminded Kimmel. "You're thinking we could have used more time?" he asked. "Because Oprah told me I'm beautiful just as I am."
With DeGeneres' assistance, Douglas began putting Kimmel through a series of beauty treatments in preparation for the big day. "Everyone needs a glow, and this called the Lace Your Face mask, Jimmy," Douglas said while applying the mask to Kimmel's skin. "It's going to be gorgeous—you want to look good. You're in front of all those people. Everybody's just perfect."
"I look like white Hitler. This is a set-up!" Kimmel joked. "Can I wear this to the Oscars?"
Asked if he noticed a difference, Kimmel joked, "I feel wet and uncomfortable."
With the Lace Your Face mask still on, Douglas fitted a head spa device on Kimmel. "It's scrambling my thoughts," he joked. But, according to Douglas, "It's going to help you memorize things better. It helps circulation. It helps your hair grow, and it helps you memorize your lines."
"This is like a horror movie," Kimmel joked. "I should have an axe or something."
Douglas then strapped a waist cincher around Kimmel's midsection. "Now that you have a great waist, I want to do something," she said before instructing him to jump on a trampoline. "Everyone is like a [size] 000 at the Oscars, so get in your sauna pants—you're going to love them! They're going to be all nice and warm and toasty when I plug you in and turn you on."
"I've been looking for a way to be sweatier down there," Kimmel laughed. "it's quite warm."
When all was said and done, the host joked, "I feel like I'm going to wind up on the no fly list."
"So I keep doing this until Sunday?" Kimmel asked. "If I have to pee, do I go in the sauna pants?"