Ricky Gervais, Paris Hilton

Jon Kopaloff/Getty Images; Shea Walsh/AP Images

Ricky Gervais is no fan of Paris Hilton.

The British funnyman has taken to his blog and written a letter to President Barack Obama requesting an exchange that would move the heiress and Victoria Beckham to middle ground.

"As I'm sure you're aware, one of your flock has strayed," he writes. "A Miss Paris Hilton, who is, I believe, a resident of Beverley Hills, is in England doing a reality game show for ITV2 called Paris Hilton's British Best Friend. Fine. I have no problem with that. I don't have to watch. But now it has come to my attention that she has bought a house in North London a few miles from me, and is out and about ingratiating herself with the Great British public."

The Extras star then explains why this is a matter of international diplomacy requiring the president's immediate attention.

"We are not stupid," he says. "This is clearly a retaliatory strike for Posh Spice moving to LA. I know it, and you know it, so let's cut the 'it's a free country' nonsense and come to some agreement."

Then comes Gervais' proposal, suggesting he and Obama call the women and tell them about "a giant 'paparazzi nest'" in New York.

"Once we get them there, while they are having their photos taken (we will have hire a few guys with cameras to make it look good) we will swap their limos around. It's foolproof."

While The Office originator is obviously a brilliant conspirator, one large question remains unaddressed in his "covert operation"—do we even want Paris back?

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