FOXOnce again, we're gathered here today in front of the Lifetime network to celebrate one of our favorite shows with a sure-to-be interesting TV movie.
That TV movie has the potential to either ruin our enjoyment of said favorite show, or to ruin our enjoyment of all movies. Either way, we're ready to party with whatever nonsense is ahead for us this time.
This week, we're getting down and dirty with Beverly Hills 90210, which basically was the '90s. It ran on Fox from 1990 to 2000 and introduced us to a whole bunch of actors we grew to love and feelings we didn't yet know we were capable of. It also gave us some of the most iconic fashions of our time, as seen here:
But one of 90210's biggest contributions to society is its action behind the scenes. For 10 years, the show was rife with rumors of fights and hookups, confirmations of fights and hookups, and lots of speculation over mysterious actor exits. (Buh-bye, Brenda!)
Given the history of Lifetime's Unauthorized movies, none of the really interesting stuff will actually make it into the final film, but here's what we're hoping to see:
—The original title was The Class of Beverly Hills, which is beyond lame, if you ask us.
—Fox executives apparently couldn't fathom the appeal of Luke Perry, so for the first couple of episodes, Aaron Spelling paid him out of his own pocket. Audiences obviously proved Fox wrong, and Perry was quickly made a regular cast member who got paid the normal way.
—Remember that time Scott randomly shot himself at his sad birthday party? Douglas Emerson either apparently wanted to retire from acting to join the Air Force and start a family or Fox wanted to cut costs, depending on who you ask, so he was written out in the saddest of ways. It got even sadder when it was discovered later on in the show that both Scott and his sister were probably molested by their uncle. Bummer!
—90210's resident motorcycle wild child Emily Valentine was literally the best, most insane character ever, and we need to relive that time she almost burned down that parade float. Girl was bats--t crazy for Brandon, and we loved every minute of it.
—Tori Spelling hooked up with either Jason Priestley or Luke Perry, aside from her relationship with Brian Austin Green, and we would like these fake-o look-a-like actors to play out that scenario for us, please.
—We need EVERY. STINKING. DETAIL. of Shannen Doherty's exit, including the haircut that was the last straw, and the attempt to replace her with Drew Barrymore, Alyssa Milano, or Alicia Silverstone before Tiffani Thiessen was cast.
—Speaking of Tiffani Thiessen, she's played by the same girl who played her in that atrocious(ly hilarious) Saved by the Bell movie, so we assume these movies take place in the same universe (since that SBTB movie certainly wasn't set in THIS universe) and we need lots of acknowledgement of that fact, and of the upcoming Melrose Place movie.
In fact, this should just become a whole series of unauthorized movies about old TV shows, set in a slightly off universe in which everybody looks a little weird and nothing is quite as it should be. Maybe eventually everyone could start killing each other? Does this or does this not sound like the greatest horror movie franchise of all time? Who can we call?!
Whatever happens in tonight's movie, it probably won't be better than what went on in real life, but it will hopefully be an entertaining way to spend a Saturday night, or a nice hungover Sunday morning, at the very least.
The Unauthorized Beverly Hills 90210 Story premieres tonight at 8 p.m. on Lifetime.