Ireland Baldwin Pens Letter About Her ''Wrongdoings'' and Battle With Anxiety: ''I Was So Lost in Darkness''

Read the emotional blog post

By Brett Malec Aug 05, 2015 7:06 PMTags
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Ireland Baldwin is coming clean about some of her personal struggles.

The 19-year-old took to Instagram Tuesday to share an emotional letter she wrote about her demons.

"There are so many moments I have taken for granted in this life due to my lack of presence. I have overlooked countless blessings and opportunities to start fresh, and I have neglected, manipulated, and lied to the people I hold dear to my heart, but more importantly, to myself," she wrote. "It hasn't been until recent months that I relearned what it truly means and what it feels like to be fully present. For the longest time, I lost compassion towards almost everything i previously cared for and I was so lost in darkness, that I could hardly hold a real conversation with another human being long enough before I was due to have an anxiety attack and find my way out of it."

There are so many moments I have taken for granted in this life due to my lack of presence. I have overlooked countless blessings and opportunities to start fresh, and I have neglected, manipulated, and lied to the people I hold dear to my heart, but more importantly, to myself. It hasn't been until recent months that I relearned what it truly means and what it feels like to be fully present. For the longest time, I lost compassion towards almost everything i previously cared for and I was so lost in darkness, that I could hardly hold a real conversation with another human being long enough before I was due to have an anxiety attack and find my way out of it. Tonight, I found myself pausing, multiple times, to look to my right and left and I continuously asked myself... How the hell did I get lucky enough to end up here? Why me? Why the past couple of months have I had the chance to meet the most phenomenal souls? Why are all these people giving me a chance to begin again? After all my wrongdoings and heartbreaks and trauma and absence of self, how am I here today? I just wanted to take a moment to show gratitude to everyone who has continued to stand by my side through all that took place and through all that life will continue to throw at me. I'm proud to say I will not be knocked down and alone next time around. I have never been so supported and felt so loved in my life. I'm happy to say I feel like Ireland again and it's amazing that I can actually say that because it's been a really long time and I was starting to forget what she was like. I love my friends, I love this beautiful planet, and I love new beginnings. ????? ? and I love you all for making me feel beautiful and supported every single day!

A photo posted by Ireland Basinger Baldwin (@irelandbbaldwin) on

Ireland continued, "Tonight, I found myself pausing, multiple times, to look to my right and left and I continuously asked myself... How the hell did I get lucky enough to end up here? Why me? Why the past couple of months have I had the chance to meet the most phenomenal souls? Why are all these people giving me a chance to begin again? After all my wrongdoings and heartbreaks and trauma and absence of self, how am I here today? I just wanted to take a moment to show gratitude to everyone who has continued to stand by my side through all that took place and through all that life will continue to throw at me. I'm proud to say I will not be knocked down and alone next time around."

Watch: See Ireland Baldwin's First Runway Show

Ireland concluded, "I have never been so supported and felt so loved in my life. I'm happy to say I feel like Ireland again and it's amazing that I can actually say that because it's been a really long time and I was starting to forget what she was like. I love my friends, I love this beautiful planet, and I love new beginnings. ❤ and I love you all for making me feel beautiful and supported every single day!"

Back in April, Alec Baldwin's daughter entered rehab seeking professional help for "emotional trauma."