Ted Cruz


Republican presidential candidate Ted Cruz likes three things: meat, firearms, and making weird Internet videos.

The Texas senator is the latest candidate to release a video through the conservative site IJReview, which also filmed Lindsey Graham destroying a cell phone and Dr. Ben Carson playing the board game Operation.

Cruz's new video, which is supposed to be funny (??), shows the GOP hopeful wrapping raw bacon around the barrel of a machine gun, taking a few shots, then eating the meat off the weapon. Hey, it's hard to get attention when Donald Trump has a few dozen feuds going at any given time!

 "There are few things I enjoy more than on weekends cooking breakfast with the family," says Cruz. "Of course in Texas, we cook bacon a little differently than most folks."

Granted the meat/gun-loving candidate doesn't actually feature family in the videounless the gun, the bullet-riddled target, or the gun range employee in the end of the video count. In which case... aww.

But it's cool, because the oft-disputed Second Amendment to the U.S. Constitution says: "A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed."

Which in 2015 speak means: "Let's wrap some hog around this automatic weapon and become viral video stars, because America!"

It's like Epic Meal Time, but this guy wants to represent a nation.

Unfortunately for Cruz, if votes are equivalent to YouTube view counts, that Pomeranian puppy sneezing is still technically the lead in the polls. But no worries, there's still time to make a Whip/Nae Nae parody or something.

By the way, if you only want to see the highlight of the above video, skip over the fact that Cruz apparently uses a fork to eat bacon, or barely takes a bite, and just watch that laugh at the end. We'll help you out...

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