You didn't wake up after your Thanksgiving holiday and enter a time warp.
Yeah, there was a Two and a Half Men star drumming up controversy, Lindsay Lohan ended up arrested and Cory and Topanga are headed back to TV.
But, we assure you, that all happened this past week. Let us bring you up to speed:
1. Lindsay in the Fall: What's worse? Getting arrested twice for DUI before you're 21 or simultaneously getting busted for allegedly hitting another woman at a club and being charged with lying to police after receiving the worst reviews of your career? Only Lindsay Lohan knows for sure.
2. Half-Man Rising: Angus T. Jones, better known as Jon Cryer's ne'er-do-well son, Jake, on Two and a Half Men, appeared in a video for his church in which he preached against watching the popular CBS sitcom because it's "filth." Perhaps remembering that his paycheck is where his tithes come from, the 19-year-old apologized for offending series cocreator Chuck Lorre or anyone else who works on the show, saying he's been blessed to be a part of the production. We're hearing that will probably only be for the rest of this season—after which, he has an open invitation to appear on Martian rock star Charlie Sheen's Anger Management.
3. World, You Remember Cory and Topanga: Dallas, Beverly Hills, 90210...Boy Meets World? Consider Girl Meets World, the Disney Channel's planned jumpstart of the 1990s-era TGIF fave—featuring original stars Ben Savage and Danielle Fishel—to be one of the most anticipated new series of next season. Who knew?!
4. Jessica Simpson's Oven: The still-pretty-new mom may not have been kidding when she said, while still carrying daughter Maxwell, that she could be pregnant all the time. There's been no official word, yea or nay, from Jess' camp, but she's reportedly pregnant with her and fiancé Eric Johnson's second child.
5. Heir Apparent: Kate Middleton pregnancy rumors are in full swing after... Actually, we have no idea why this time is different from any other. Is it because she got bangs?
6. Dance Fever: Melissa Rycroft stuck her neck out for a good cause—after coming up short her first time around, the former Dallas Cowboys cheerleader turned ex-Bachelor-fiancée was named the winner of Dancing With the Stars' all-star season. Having her husband and little daughter in the audience cheering her along the entire time likely made her repeat appearance all the sweeter. And yay for pro Tony Dovolani's first win in 14 seasons!
7. Halle Berry's Court Gesture: Just when it seemed as if the Thanksgiving brawl between the Oscar winner's ex, Gabriel Aubry, and fiancé, Olivier Martinez, was going to cause an irreparable rift that would largely end up affecting Aubry and Berry's little girl, Nahla, a truce was arrived at in court and father and dauhter were reunited. We won't say anyone has kissed and made up, but Aubry and Berry's custody arrangement, however chilly, is back in place.
8. #JoinedattheHip: Rihanna and Chris Brown are spending lots of time together (and telling it by the hands of their matching Rolexes!), much of which Rihanna has been documenting via Twitter and Instagram. See, he's still on Instagram but she's been doing all the tweeting since Brown deleted his Twitter account in the wake of a profane and offensive-to-men-and-women-alike feud he engaged in with comedian Jenny Johnson.
9. Larry Hagman, R.I.P.: The world lost one of TV's most lovable antiheroes with Hagman's death on Nov. 23 from throat cancer. The producers of the rebooted Dallas on TNT have assured that J.R. Ewing, who will appear in the second season's first few episodes, will have a sendoff befitting a Texas oil baron of his stature and number of enemies.