AP Photo/Jason DeCrow

Dear Ted:
Are the guys from Entourage actually pals outside of the show? Do they hang out?

Dear Costar Chums:
You aren't gonna see the five of them rolling out to a WeHo club anytime soon, but sure, they're friendly enough. Even if a couple of them are absolute douchebags when they're off gallivanting around town (just guess which ones, I dare you).

Dear Ted:
Is George Clooney a serial monogamist? Meaning, he is clearly serial, but how monogamous? And holy smokes what Talia Balsam must have goin' on to have married both George and Mad Men's John Slattery.

Dear You Got Clooney'd:
George is the real thing—I wouldn't worry about a wandering eye, even if he does have that whole serial thing working against him. And regarding Talia, some gals just know how to work it, don't they?

Dear Ted:
I was thinking about who will be the person to write the Twilight tell-all. Since you already know, can you at least tell us if it's someone from the main cast or a member of the crew?

Dear F--ked in Forks:
Oh, it's def a castmember. Wouldn't be nearly as juicy if it wasn't.

Dear Ted:
Thank you for always calling out the games that Miranda Kerr and Orlando Bloom (Kerbloom) are trying to play on the public with this farce they have going on. What do you think of the announcement that they got married? No better way to try and prove you wrong than to claim to be married.

Dear Skeptical About Kerr:
Let me ask you a question: is there any other reason why we're reading about these two in the news? There's your answer.

Dear Ted:
I love Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton. They are my favorite celebrity couple ever. So I would love to watch a movie about their life directed by Mike Nichols. Whomever they will cast can never be as captivating as the original, though, as they don't make movie stars like "the Burtons" anymore. Why doesn't anyone in Hollywood try to get Elizabeth Taylor to do a new movie for the big screen? I mean, she may be uninsurable, but she is still alive and she is one of the greatest actresses ever. So if she could just do one more movie, her career can go out on a high. I, for one, would be more excited to go to the movies to watch a new Elizabeth Taylor movie than any movie with Angelina Jolie, Catherine Zeta-Jones, etc.

Dear Study a Broad:
Listen, I understand your plea, if for no other reason than to prevent Taylor's last feature film in her impressive career from being The Flintstones. And I love the dame, but have you seen her lately? She's in no shape to be making movies. Better to continue Tweeting, love!

Dear Ted:
I'm guessing the one castmember of Lost who threw the big party and didn't invite the producers was either Yun-jin Kim or Elizabeth Mitchell. I really hope it wasn't Evangeline Lilly or Emilie De Ravin, because I really like them. Can you at least tell me if I'm close?

Dear Lost Guess:
Babe, you just named almost all of the chicks on the island...how could you not be close?

Dear Ted:
You said, "Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are together. It may not be in the conventional sense we're all used to (trust, they're hardly a normal couple), but it is what it is." So...what is it? Care to elaborate?

Dear Unorthodox Lovin':
Well, for starters, do you and your significant other spend most of your time filming on opposite ends of the country?

Dear Ted:
I'm 29 years old and enjoyed the Twilight movies but am by no means a Twi-hard. Most of my Twilight news is from you while I'm getting my gossip fix. It's been weeks since I saw Eclipse, yet last night I had a dream that I was having sex with Taylor Lautner. What do you make of this?
—Subconscious Team Jacob

Dear Dodgy Dream:
I think you should go back into the dream and make sure you didn't miss the opportunity to bang R.Pattz, too. Otherwise, what a stupid choice!

Dear Ted:
I'm starting to become a little obsessed with Ludacris. This makes me wonder: Has he ever been a Blind Vice? Love you lots!

Dear Ludicrous Ludacris:
Nope. Probably because of the fact that you could not pay me to be interested in Ludacris. Well, actually, depends how much you're offering, babe.

Dear Ted:
Moisty Mohr
is Jay Leno, right? Is there a hidden meaning behind how your team publishes our names when sending in a BB? Example: If I signed my BB as Josh, but your team published it as "V". What is the reason for this?

Dear John Hancock:
Nope on Moisty. And so sorry if there was ever a mix-up. Sometimes we go by your email address, but hey, we can make mistakes, too. Sorry, hypothetical Josh/V.

Dear Ted:
Do you like One Tree Hill? What's up with the cast? Haven't heard about them in a long time.

Dear Over the Hill:
That's 'cause the cast isn't really doing anything all that thrilling (not unlike the show's fangirl replacement, Gossip Girl). But we've got some scoop on One Tree Hill alums Robbie Jones and Joe Manganiello (mmm!) over here, love.

Dear Ted:
With every new season of Dancing With the Stars, or whatever reality show is in at the moment, I become increasingly sick to my stomach. Don't get me wrong, I like the shows, but every season of DWTS especially, the hottest couple, the one the show obviously wants to win is constantly rumored to be dating. It's annoying as hell! I can't believe Erin Andrews and Maksim Chmerkovskiy are still in the news. Are people really still that blind?

Dear Not So Fast:
Erin and Maks seem to be quite the exception though, sweet pea. For one, the two are blazing hot (which isn't usually the case with some of these reality-TV fugs), and two, they're totally wild-in-the-eyes for each other, can't you tell?

Dear Ted:
Who do you think is the cuter couple, Robsten or Zanessa? Also who do you think will last longer? I'll bet on Zanessa.

Dear Watch Your Back:
You're about to unearth the fury of a horde of Twi-hards with virtual pitchforks. Better go and hide—and make room for me, since I might, might, be able to be talked into making bets on Zac and Vanessa. Even though Robsten are so much hotter, and hotter for, each other.

Dear Ted:
Any scoop on Jennifer Aniston's love life? She looked stunning at the launch of her perfume in London this week, and it's criminal that she's been single for so long. It's time for her to have a juicy romance for us to speculate about!

Dear Romantic Tragedy:
The reason Jen's doing so well is because she isn't being bogged down by trashy ‘bloid romance rumors! The Chris Gartin and Scott Stuber stuff just ain't interesting enough in the long run. She needs someone juicier. Brad once Angie dumps him? Nah...

Dear Ted:
It's great that you are pushing Kristen for the role of Lisbeth! I have always thought she would be perfect for the role too. What would have to happen for Sony to cast her? Possibly buy out her contract with Summit or film the movie after Breaking Dawn is made?

Dear Stewart = Salander:
It's sad to say, but a lot would have to happen. K's schedule would have to be freed up (which is imposs, or is it?), or the flick would have to wait until after the madness of Twilight. Unfortunately for the brilliant minds like us who want to see her in the role, it's not something that's likely feasible for either party.

Dear Ted:
I have to admit that I'm having Robsten withdrawals. I know you feel it too: the shaking, the tremors, the excessive drinking (maybe that's just me). So I know Kristen's somewhere working and Rob's somewhere working, yada yada yada. Whatever. But I want to hear about some real honest to goodness "couple time"!

Dear Ya Got Some Medicine for That?
Relief will come eventually, sugarpie, but not soon. The two are really hard at work, and there's not much goss to be said for their away time from each other. In due time!

Dear Ted:
I know Angelina is giving a lot of interviews right now to promote Salt, but when she talks so much about her personal life it always feels to me like she's trying to rub Jennifer Aniston's nose in it. Why would she feel the need to do that? She's the one who got Brad...why does she seem to hate Jen so much? Jen's not the one who did anything wrong.

Dear Reading It Wrong:
Hon, I don't think Ange is at that point anymore where she even gives a rat's you-know-what about Jen in the picture. ‘Cause, let's face it: She's not in the picture. Angelina's over sharing is more about bulking up her own image than defaming Aniston's.

Dear Ted:
Dude, Inception totally sucked. My wife and I almost walked out of the p.o.s. movie last night. Terrible. And, BTW, the movie is a total rip-off of a much better film, Dark City. It's far from "original storytelling." I give this Hollywood abortion a D-.

Dear Dude 'Tude:
Thanks for your movie review, Paul. Heartwarming to hear there are still movie elitists roaming the Internet these days. Mean it, love you. Now get over it.

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There's more bitchery in our Bitch-Back! archives!

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