Ed Norton, Penelope Cruz, Javier Bardem, Carrie Underwood, Mike Fisher, Kristin Cavallari, Mel Gibson, Oksana Grigorieva

Universal Pictures ; bauergriffin.comJeff Vespa/WireImage.com; Jason LaVeris/FilmMagic

Unless you were stuck in the Alaskan wilderness this week with nothing left to do but get back together with your baby mama, you probably had a hard time avoiding the recordings of Mel Gibson hammering the final set of nails into his career coffin.

But there was also a lot of love in the air and, while a profane tirade can be posted online for posterity, it's the happy couples who people really want to read about.

WEDDING BELLS: What a week it was for love! Carrie Underwood swapped vows with NHL player Mike Fisher in a very grand-sounding ceremony in Georgia...John Krasinski and Emily Blunt made it happen on Lake Como...And it turns out Javier Bardem and Penélope Cruz snuck away to the Bahamas earlier this month to make it official...Not long after ex Brian Austin Green went for it, Vanessa Marcil took the plunge...Martin Lawrence married his longtime girlfriend...Kim Kardashian pal LaLa Vazquez tied the knot with Denver Nugget Carmelo Anthony...We adore this kind of news! We were even cautiously happy for the reunited Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston—until the reality show stuff, that is.

GIBSON ON THE ROCKS: Stupid Mel Gibson. We've had it up to here with the tarnished-beyond-recognition actor and his big, fat mouth, but it's hard to ignore when "someone" is releasing a recording a day of Mel saying horrible, degrading things to ex-girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva. Thank goodness there's actual legal action taking place and an accusation of extortion to temper all the salacious ranting, or else we would just feel like eavesdroppers.

FAREWELL, MY DUMMIES: The Hills signed off with a whimper after six seasons of making people sort of believe that what they saw was what you would get if you actually interacted with Lauren Conrad, Brody Jenner, Audrina Patridge and their pals. But L.C. couldn't even be persuaded to show up for the series finale, and the closing shot of Brody on a sound stage was too little clever tongue-in-cheekiness too late.

TEAM SLAYER: Edward Norton was not invited to reprise his role as the Incredible Hulk in the upcoming superhero catchall The Avengers, with the studio claiming he didn't have the "collaborative spirit" they needed. Perhaps Mark Ruffalo does. In the meantime, Norton wants us to know he has no hard feelings (because that's what agents are for).

Lindsay Lohan, Robert Shapiro

David McNew/Getty Images; Jesse Grant/Getty Images

HELPING HAND: Lindsay Lohan got a jump on cleaning up her act by moving into Pickford Lofts, a sober-living facility started by her new attorney, former O.J. Dream Teamer Robert Shapiro, who lost his son Brent to a drug overdose. He says he only agreed to take her case if she promised to get serious about getting better, and as it stands, the starlet is still headed to jail on Tuesday.

TEXAS OR BUST: Jesse James and ex Janine Lindemulder were in court all week trying to get a judge to agree with one or the other about whether James should be allowed to move their 6-year-old daughter to Austin so that she can be away from paparazzi and closer to former step-mom Sandra Bullock. James bought a house and he's moving no matter what, his lawyer says.

BABY TALK: Vince Vaughn and wife Kyla are expecting...As are Craig Ferguson and wife Megan are expecting...Scott Disick loves something other than himself   being a dad...Project Runway judge Nina Garcia and hubby are having their second.

GOOOOOAL!: Landon Donovan says he now knows for sure that he didn't impregnate a British woman while on loan to the English Premier League. 

PATIENTS: Pink fell out of her harness onstage and was rushed to a hospital in Germany to get checked out...Ryan Reynolds injured his shoulder on the set of The Green Lantern...Aerosmith's Joe Perry needed a hospital trip after being rear-ended while on his motorbike...Barbara Walters, recovering from heart surgery, checked in with The View—and just in time...Bono is back in business after spinal surgery.

KEEP UP: Kim Kardashian shows off new beau Miles Austin.

LOVE STINKS: Kelly Osbourne split from her possibly cheatin' fiancé Luke Worrall...Christina Milian and The-Dream separated, leaving the rapper in a really bad state...Melissa Etheridge and Tammy Lynn Michaels are having post-partnership issues...Kelly Rutherford's divorce is a done deal.

CRIME & PUNISHMENT: Roman Polanski was released from house arrest after Swiss authorities flatly refused to extradite him to the U.S...John Stamos helped convict two moneygrubbers of trying to blackmail him...Wesley Snipes is still going to prison...No more drug charge for Ryan O'Neal...Lawrence Taylor pleaded not guilty to statutory rape...Jeffrey Jones pleaded not guilty to failing to update his sex-offender registration...Shawn Johnson's stalker was sentenced to five years in a mental hospital...New Jersey man charged in the hit-and-run death of American Idol audition rabble-rouser Alexis Cohen.

COURTSIDE: Erin Andrews is suing the hotels were she was inappropriately peeped...George Clooney handsomely testified in his lawsuit against an Italian clothier that used his name...Shannon Price wants to be officially known as Gary Coleman's common-law widow...Steven Seagal's sexual harassment lawsuit went away...Kourtney Kardashian might owe a clothing label some money...More child labor drama for Kate Gosselin and TLC...Naomi Campbell called to testify before a war crimes tribunal convened for ex-Liberian president Charles Taylor.

Pamela Anderson, PETA Ad

Courtesy of PETA

RUMP ROAST: Montreal banned PETA's latest billboard featuring native Canuck Pamela Anderson flashing her prime choice beef.

INCOMING!: Casey Affleck's documentary about Joaquin Phoenix's foray into hip-hop and incoherence found a distributor.

FEUDAL TIMES: Broadcasting pioneers Howard Stern and Larry King don't think too much of each other...Lindsay Lohan definitely doesn't want Joan Rivers' help.

TV LAND: Donald Trump wants Rachel Uchitel, the first alleged Tiger Woods mistress to be outed, on the next Celebrity Apprentice. What will the sponsors say?!...More fodder for the Ali-doesn't-choose-anyone rumor mill...Farewell to Deadliest Catch's Capt. Phil Harris...Sela Ward joins CSI: New York...James Tupper joins Grey's...Amber Tamblyn joins House...Amy Ryan's returning to The Office...The guy convicted of trying to blackmail David Letterman is up for an Emmy, unlike Dave...Get the final batch of Teen Choice Award nominations...Don't stop believin' that we need your votes for the 2010 Tater Top Awards. Keep 'em coming!

FAREWELL: American Splendor creator Harvey Pekar passed away at 70...Peter Fernandez, who voiced the title character in Speed Racer and wrote the theme song lyrics, died of cancer at 83.

SEEN: Brad Pitt, beardless!...Honeymooners Underwood and Fisher lusting after each other in Tahiti...Jennifer Aniston dining with producer Scott Stuber at New York's Soho House...Andy Dick asleep at a party...Katherine Heigl on the set of her latest film...Jude Law singing karaoke in the Czech Republic...LiLo and Samantha Ronson stepping out for sushi...Jessica Simpson and BF Eric Johnson pouring it on in Capri.

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