Christian Bale, Ryan Reynolds, Shia LaBeouf

Frazer Harrison/Getty Images, Steve Granitz/; Dimitrios Kambouris/WireImage

Dear Ted:
Running into my ex last week made me question my bad taste in men, and I was hoping you could help me decide. My favorite male stars have been Shia LaBeouf, Christian Bale and Ryan Reynolds. Yes, two of them have had public scandals, but could you please clue me in about whether they have been naughty enough to warrant one of your delicious B.V.'s? Are they all little devils or can one of these gorgeous dudes sport a halo?

Dear Naughty Naughty:
One of them can definitely rock the halo, but he's probably not the one you want, is he? You're probably much more into the dude with the B.V. Trust, I am too. But can you guess which hottie hasn't been so angelic?

Dear Ted:
Is Nevis's girlfriend bi-sexual as well?

Dear Lady Lover:
She's been known to experiment from time to time, but not while hanging with the randy ‘n' yummy Mr. Divine. Really, who really knows what that chick is, but does it matter? She sure is having a good time!

Dear Ted:
Why doesn't Tom Cruise salvage what's left of his career and go back to his former publicist Pat Kingsley? I understand all the reasons why he can't leave his church (they no doubt have too much on him), but jeez, dude! Get some serious management already! He seemed like a normal, classy, cool movie star back in the Kingsley days! Maybe he wasn't, but at least she kept the crazy under wraps!

Dear Don't Get It:
Going back to Pat would be admitting Cruise made a mistake in the first place. That's just not in Cruise's doctrine.

Dear Ted:
Although I am Canadian, I do follow your politics closely. I have a question for you regarding Sarah Palin: Everybody knows that Fox is in her back pocket; however, I do not understand how any other media outlet, be it gossip or world news reporting, gives her a platform to open her mouth? Shouldn't you as a proud gay American ignore the broad in order to make her disappear? Just wondering how come people with brains, such as you, still insist on letting the world know that she is still around. Please know that my intention is not to be rude, but to truly try and understand how that kind of demeaning dark-ages human has still a place in your day-to-day lives? Would rather read about your efforts in saving animals. That makes so much more sense!

Dear Lighten Up:
I hear ya, babe, but let's admit, this is a gossip column, after all. And if guessing whether or not the boob Palin has had her boobs done isn't gossipy fodder, don't know what is.

Dear Ted:
How closeted are our favorite closeted stars? More specifically, do their families know? Like Toothy and Crescent. Are their parents and siblings in on it? Or are they as blind to their Vices as the general public is? My family—namely my two adopted dogs—know all of my vices. They are the very best secret-keepers.

Dear Open House:
Depends on the DL fellow, really. Some, who are more in the "experimenting" phase (Crescent Kumquat), keep it secret even from good old mom and pops. But those guys in more knowing times of their sexuality (Toothy Tile)? Usually the fam is in the know and, more often than not, happy for ‘em.

Dear Ted:
Has anyone from Dexter ever been a B.V.? Has Julie Benz? I've always thought there was a little somethin' somethin' between her and one of her former costars, no?

Dear Dating Julie:
Julie is B.V.-clean. Actually, she's one of Team Awful's faves. Really sweet to interview and gorgeous, wouldn't you say?

Dear Ted:
You once said that in a catfight between Terry Tush-Trade and Twyla Babe-Sucker, TTT would win hands down. Since we're comparing the two, mind telling me which one of them is more famous?

Dear Scratching for Clues:
The former, by far.

Dear Ted:
After reading your Top 5 Lindsay Lohan excuses, I couldn't help but feel baffled, sorry and irritated by her. Are her fame-whoring parents really that into money that they're in such denial as to their daughter's state? Lindsay clearly doesn't have an actual real straightforward friend to kick her butt and keep her clean, and it's a sorry sight, for I agree with you and think she's actually a pretty good actress. I'm not sure jail would be the solution. I guess she still has to hit rock bottom to let the notion of her addictions really sink in. What do you think?

Dear Parent Problems:
In the case of La Lohan's folks, both are also way too self-involved to really notice what the hell is going on around them. Otherwise, they might get a grip and actually parent for once instead of living vicariously through their kids. Result: kid with no sense of responsibility. But I don't think we've seen Lindsay's worst yet, sadly. Babe is way still in denial.

Dear Ted:
You and a few other bloggers continue to say Skarsworth won't last, and every time, they do something bigger like the True Blood premiere. Are they are doing it because people think they are a joke? Or because their PR person (they have the same one) is directing this to go more public?

Dear Why Not:
A little of both?

Dear Ted:
Has Cameron Diaz ever starred in her own B.V.? Could it possibly be related to her oddball performance while presenting with Tom Cruise at the MTV Movie Awards?
—Mexico Mariana

Dear Something About Cam:
Oh yeah, but a ways back. Don't think Cammy gets into quite as much trouble as she used to. And it was never very sordid to begin with, really, just letting loose with gusto.

Dear Ted:
Besides Chris Colfer are any of the Glee stars gay and will one of them come out soon?

Dear LGBT Roll Call:
Heck yes, doll, and good news, you don't even have to wait for them to come out. Jane Lynch and Jonathan Groff are out and proud. So cool, huh?

Dear Ted:
My husband and I just adopted two rescue cats, an older male tabby and a female tuxedo cat, and we love them to bits. Thanks to the MTV Movie Awards and The Insider, we've now seen two clips from Eclipse where Bella upsets Edward by either going off with Jacob or referencing Jacob without even saying his name. All I could think was: Here was go again! Will Summit ever learn? I don't expect them to release a big scene like Edward's proposal to Bella because they're saving it for June 30, and I get that Eclipse is more serious and all about Bella's "choice." But would it kill them to release one Bella and Edward scene? I'm still planning on seeing it, of course, and taking comfort in the raves made by the Oprah audience members about the hot Bella-Edward scenes in the Eclipse rough cut. But if this is what we can expect from Summit until June 30, it's going to be a very long three weeks!

Dear Waiting Game:
You answered it: You said yourself you still plan on seeing it. That's all that Summit cares about. They also know exactly what you fans want, which is why they're going to make you fork over your cash for a movie ticket before giving you the Edward-Bella goods. Waiting will just make us feel so much better when we get it, right?

Dear Ted:
Which Blind Vice just got arrested for a little herbal? I have made it a mission for over the last 10 years to rescue and find homes for animals of elderly people who have moved into nursing homes. I have a Facebook for my three legged cat Callie, and I am a hopeless animal lover and a hardcore Gleek. Cried like a baby watching the season finale.

Dear Weeding 'Em Out:
Great work with the pets, K! As for your Q, let's just say that the marijuana was just a very minor guest star in his much skankier B.V. Is that enough to whet your appetite?

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