Pitiken County Jail, Charlie Sheen

Pitkin Country Jail; John Sciulli/WireImage.com

Fighting off the perception that celebrities are often afforded special treatment in jail is always going to be a tough sell.

And Colorado's Pitkin County Jail isn't exactly doing itself any favors, as E! News has learned that Charlie Sheen's stay will be made all the more difficult by his needing to decide on a daily basis whether he would prefer a fresh fruit parfait or a chocolate raspberry ice cream bar for dessert.

Now that's what we call hard time. Here's what else the Two and Half Men star has to look forward to during his impending lockup:

Despite reports to the contrary, one thing Sheen won't likely be doing is enrolling in some sort of work-release program that would allow him to spend only night (not days) in jail.

"It is a far-fetched hypothetical situation," Aspen Police spokeswoman Stephanie Dasaro tells E! News of the days-free scenario.

"I read that report too, and it gave me a really good laugh. Until we know what happens in that disposition hearing, it is just a hypothetical."

And far-fetched though that exact scenario may be, some elements of it may hold true come Monday's plea-copping hearing.

"If there is some kind of agreement that is reached through the disposition here and if he is required to serve jail time, it would be up to the judge to determine the terms of his incarceration and whether or not he is allowed to have work release. It's a court ruling."

And should that ruling go down, a portion of the Aspen facility is in fact reserved for work release inmates, a program that a source close to the star tells E! News "is a definite possibility" for Sheen.

So, those are the unknowns. Here's what we know for sure about Charlie's new digs:

Jailed Charlie Sheen will be fed better than free you. The Aspen Valley Hospital Nutritional Services Department provides all inmate meals, which, naturally, are dietician-approved. Sample menu: cereal, fruit, milk and juice for breakfast; chicken with red potatoes, green beans, roll and chocolate raspberry ice cream bar for lunch; and London Broil with orzo, steamed vegetables, green salad and a fresh fruit parfait for dinner. See? Jail really is tough…uh, if you're a vegetarian. Still, if Sheen's a particularly picky eater, he'll be able to supplement his meals at the commissary.

He won't lose that TV-ready physique. Pitkin County Jail's gymnasium boasts exercise bikes, weight-lifting equipment and a basketball court. Just don't ask for a postworkout rubdown.

He won't have a warden. The Pitkin County Jail operates under an environment of direct supervision. There are detention officers inside the housing area who will have regular direct contact with inmates, but not being a more traditional jail environment, inmates are allowed to freely roam outside their cells between 8 a.m. and 11:30 p.m., when lockdown begins. Did he pick the right jurisdiction to screw up in, or what?

He won't miss So You Think You Can Dance. Or Real Housewives of New Jersey. Or whatever's on his summer TV calendar. The Pitkin County Jail common room is probably nicer than your high school study hall and features desks, computers (he may want to steer clear of those), a TV and a payphone. And some nice foliage. Just 'cause it's jail doesn't mean it's uncivilized, people.

He can leave his overnight bag at home. After processing, Sheen will be provided with clothing, bedding and hygiene supplies to last him the duration of his stay. Medical and psychiatric services will also be provided to him, if necessary, and drug and alcohol therapy groups meet regularly.

He can have his alone time. As with all fellow inmates, Sheen won't have to share his pad, as all detainees are housed in individual 65-square-foot cells. Each room boasts an IKEA-tastic bookcase, small wooden desk, toilet and beautiful expansive views (reinforced door aside) of the common room. What it does not boast is any bars whatsoever.

This is supposed to be a punishment, right? Look, it's jail. It certainly seems to be a four-star jail, what with the abundance of natural light, carpeted floors designed to reduce the noise level and noninstitutional furniture placed throughout, but it's still jail. Which means right now, more than ever, it's gotta suck to be Charlie Sheen.

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