Blind Vice

We're takin' a slight breather from the hardcore debauched Blind Vice annals of closeted sexuality, illegal drugs and married swingers.

Today's secret celeb tale is all about how pitiful a famous drunk's life can be. And no, we're not just talkin' Lindsay Lohan and her new SCRAM existence. Nope, enter mega-rich, mega-talented (and still working, too!) Buddy Rib-Toast, a dude who knows his way around blockbusters as well as he does babes.

And Buddy's movie pals are getting super concerned about the good-looking dude:

As the Budster has a bad habit of getting smashed out of his gourd and bolting through hotel rooms, sets, trailers and myriad on-location places in his birthday suit! (Or, if Bud's not quite as intoxicated as he usually gets, just in his underwear.) And even though most of the ladies—at least, the ones who aren't sleeping with him—don't seem to mind this up-close display of Buddy's privates on parade, a lotta Buddy's guy pals are getting seriously worried.

"He has a major drinking problem," said one of Buddy's close colleagues, a friend who's working with Buddy on his latest film, Return to Nation Ruination (which is a sequel to the monster hit, Nation Ruination, the flick that really put BRT on the map). "And it's constantly getting covered up by his publicists who keep threatening to pull him from future shows if any of the TV outlets mention it."

Jeez, never heard of that one. A publicist threatening banishment unless a news organization agrees to hush up a star's seedy behavior? Shocking!

"But what's really weird," adds the Rib-Toast pal, "is not only that he's always naked, but that nobody's come out with this yet. It's gotta be just a matter of time."

Actually, it's already happened: Rib-Toast got into a little nasty snafu, thanks to his inebriated head, when he and a friend's girlfriend he was schtupping got caught in the act. But no worries! Miss Publicist made it all go away!

Also, if the naked stuff come out, Buddy knows full well his stellar abs will make more news than the fact that he's constantly loaded on his projects.

It Ain't: Jake Gyllenhaal, Kellan Lutz, Jason Lewis

Love Ted? Follow @theawfultruth on Twitter.


PHOTOS: Peep our Blind Vice Superstars

  • Share
  • Tweet
  • Share