Bitch-Back! Can Titanic Romance Come True?

Readers wonder about marriage plans for Rob and Kristen, possible Kate and Leo

Dear Ted:
So now that Kate Winslet and Sam Mendes are kaput, is there any chance for Kate and Leonardo DiCaprio to get together? I love them together! BTW it is great that you and Lainey got to meet each other and hit it off!
—Yolanda

Dear Romance Redo:
Kate and Leo will start a real-life relaysh about the same time Lainey and I do—which, no offense to the blogger babe, isn't happening anytime soon.

Dear Ted:
I doubt you'll respond to this, but I figure, why not ask? Do you really think that if Robsten ever got married, (in the way future, obviously) that they would tell anyone about it, ever? At the rate they're going, I wouldn't put it past them to keep things secret forever. What do you think?
—Curious

Dear Wedding Woes:
Whoa, whoa, whoa. You're getting totally ahead of yourself, babe. Let the two come out as a couple before we make them run down the aisle. But just between you and me, if the two ever do tie the knot—and we're definitely talking way in the future—you know I'll give you the dish.

Dear Ted:
Lea Michele and Cory Monteith, or Lea Michele and Jonathan Groff. Which couple is most likely to happen?
—F.S.

Dear Glee Groupie:
Cory is quite the man-around-town lately, so I'd expect far more rumors about him and Glee diva Lea then for longtime pal Jonathan.

Dear Ted:
Is it just me or is Jennifer Aniston getting kind of skanky? After all The Bounty promotion, she isn't looking like the golden girl anymore.
—K

Dear Good Girl Gone Bad:
Don't worry your skank-dar isn't off. I love Jen's legs as much as the next gay man, but it's been pretty obvious for a while she's been trying to sex up her America's Sweetheart image. But hey, Bounty Hunter wasn't an epic fail, so it must be kinda working.

Dear Ted:
One of your B.B. included someone thinking that Kristen Stewart deserves better than Robert Pattinson because he's a bit of a goofball. Is Kristen supposed to hang out with serious, brooding, "mature" people who don't know how to laugh at themselves and are a bunch of stiffs? Even Kristen has learned to laugh at herself now too (oh, that popcorn award). Kristen will spend time with and care about who she wants and who makes her happy. Maybe that reader could use a few goofball mates to lighten up a bit? It's called being human!
—C.M.

Dear Don't Be a Square:
Maybe people are getting too used to seeing her onscreen with über-brooder Edward that when they see that real-life Rob is a bit of a jokester, they're thrown for a loop. Whatever—girls like a guy with a sense of humor, right?

Dear Ted:
Still reeling from the Jesse James-Sandra Bullock ordeal, but some things do not ring true from this um...stripper, yes, let's go with stripper. She is claiming an 11-month affair that began in May 2009, which would mean it ended around now? Then, there is the 5 weeks of sex thrown somewhere in the beginning of that time period? Something smells...and it's not said "stripper's" body odor. Well technically it could be that. What do you think, Ted? Should we play marriage counselors?
—Ami

Dear Fact Checker:
I wouldn't expect the woman who makes her living flashing her skanky tats on webcams to be a mathematician. Or exactly the most honest of people, for that matter. Something fishy is going on.

Dear Ted:
We all know Rob loves to party, but don't you think he's starting to look a bit like a drunk now? I saw the pictures of Rob leaving his Remember Me premiere after party in London, and I've gotta say the guy looks completely plastered. I've seen Rob get drunk many times before, and it's starting to become a turn-off. Couldn't he take some pointers from Taylor Lautner instead of constantly making a fool of himself?
—C.M.

Dear Boozy Beau:
The dude's young and having fun with his recent fame. Do I think he sometimes looks like he's had a few too many? Sure do, but at least he has some flaws to make him relatable, right? Can't say the same for Tay.

Dear Ted:
The E! Online Five Reasons Kristen Stewart's Movie Will Runaways From Robert Pattinson's brings up an interesting point. The Runaways isn't a Kristen Stewart movie. She is not the focal point, and therefore it brings me to this thought: When has there been a Kristen Stewart movie? She's has never been the main star of any of the films. Twilight is about both Edward and Bella, not just Bella. So, can we really say that she's a big star when she hasn't been a sole star? Can she carry a movie alone?
—K.E.

Dear Credit Check:
While K.Stew may not be the only reason people come to see a film, her growing star power definitely draws a crowd. Just like Remember Me wasn't marketed as a R.Pattz film but focused more on selling the rom-dram aspect of the film, people will buy tickets to The Runaways because of its stars (including Kristen and Dakota) as well as its rock star appeal.

Dear Ted:
My German shepherd rescue, Jake, and I are sitting here discussing Blind Vices. Jake wanted me to ask if you wouldn't mind giving us a clue as to which B.V. is Steve Carell's? We're totally stumped!
—A.S.

Dear Office Goss:
It's not too funny!

Dear Ted:
Love the blog—I love the fact that you don't treat all this stuff so seriously and get all bitchy like a certain other "blogger" (lets just call him Terez Pilton). Also love all the Rob/Kristen/Twilight goss, but I was under the illusion that you where a fan of the movies, and I was dismayed this morning when you said they weren't good. While I wouldn't consider them Best Picture winners at the Oscars, I also wouldn't necessarily call them not good. So this comes to my question, why do you constantly give us all updates on this stuff but not other, better stuff? Are you just jumping on the Twi-bandwagon because it's popular? Thanks again, love your work, keep it up!
—Carley

Dear Twi Tears:
The script made it slightly painful to sit through New Moon. And in Twilight, they just did a music montage over half the movie! I love K.Stew and R.Pattz and the gang tho, so no doubt I'll check out Eclipse and however many movies they decide to make of Breaking Dawn.

Dear Ted:
What is going on with Kim Kardashian and Reggie Bush? Are they taking another break? They're so cute together, I hope Kim wanting to get married hasn't made them break up again.
—M.B.

Dear Keeping Up With Kim:
Please, if Kim's wedding desires were too much for Reg, the two would have called it quits for good long ago. I'm sure K2 will eventually get her football stud to put a ring on it.

Dear Ted:
"So why should it be any different for gays playing straight?" Because when people watch their fave actor perform they want to know there is a chance they could snag the guy as fantastic as that sounds. If the guy is 100 percent gay, then there is no chance in hell. So there is no point in fantasizing, or for that matter, in watching the film.
—Kit

Dear Fantasy Land:
Come on Kit, if it's all about fantasizing then turning a dude straight, shouldn't be that far of a stretch from assuming Brad Pitt would ditch Angie to play house-hubby in Ohio.

Dear Ted:
My partner and I have three rescue dogs and have supported a local organization! Please, please answer my questions! I love your column and follow it every day! Here's what I'm wondering. As it concerns stars and their sexuality, I see three categories: (1) Celebrities who are out and proud, i.e. Neil Patrick Harris, Lance Bass, etc.; (2) Celebrities who are out, but don't publicly proclaim it to the press, and can be discovered by any amateur Googler; and (3) Celebrities who are deep in the closet and often participate in the "bearding program." Are most of the Blind Vices in category 3? For instance, if Toothy Tile (and most of the gay or bisexual Blind Vicers) came out, would you go back and tell us that said actor was Toothy Tile all along? Also, specifically about Parrish Maguire, Jackie Bouffant, and Crescent Kumquat—what age bracket do they fall into, 20s, 30s, 40s? Thank you so muc,h Ted, and I hope you answer my questions!
—Brian

Dear Categories:
Right-o, most of the B.V.s are from the deep-in-the-closet variety. As for the B.V.s you named—they definitely cover a couple of the age groups you named, and then some.

Dear Ted:
What is on the menu for a mystery diet, and what type of utensils do you use for it?
—Murph

Dear Dietitian:
Let's just say Atkins definitely wouldn't approve.

Dear Ted: 
I get that you talk about the about the Twilight kids for hits and all, but you're making Kristen Stewart so overrated it's not even funny. I'd get it if it was someone hot to look at like Scarlett Johansson or Megan Fox, but enough is enough. Some eye candy! Robert Pattinson, I understand though.
—Erin

Dear Hater:
Not hot, huh? We definitely beg to differ.

Dear Ted:
Re: Jesse James, Ryan Phillippe, et al. Oh, boo hoo. Life's tough when your wife/girlfriend is spectacularly successful and you're just successful. Suck it up. A real man is supportive through the good times as well as the bad, and doesn't hold a woman's success against her. So stop looking for an excuse to cheat and man up. Loyalty and fidelity show true strength, and don't forget that karma is indeed a bitch.
—Bridget

Dear Girl Power:
Boo hoo, indeed. Men who cheat on their wives and blame it on feeling emasculated are just losers looking for an excuse. This is the 21st century, people—who cares if the babe is the boss?