Blind Vice

The may not be swingers like Secretia Ohio and Chester Shorts-Off, but Henrietta Hard-Ball and her blandly good-looking husband, Elijah Schwad, have a convenient relationship when it comes to sex.

Like so many famous couples.

The deal is: Henrietta's allowed to pursue (with ferocious abandon, mind you) her high-powered career, as long as Elijah takes care of the family and the home. It's an arrangement that's served both spouses well, for many reasons.

But ah, the only reason we really care about her is the one that makes Elijah happy. Can you guess what it is? A little bed-time dynamic that might make even Toothy Tile jump for joy?

Yep, you guessed it (otherwise you're reading the wrong column, really), Elijah lives to get it on with the dudes.

But like so many selfish men—is there any other kind?—Elijah also wanted a happy home and a family, so he brokered a deal with the attractively driven Henrietta, who's about as interested in sex these days as Lindsay Lohan is in working.

So both kinda fake-married folks get what they want, a career for her, a harem of hotties for him.

What's even more interesting about this scenario is the fact that Henrietta and Elijah don't have your typical celeb following, Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick, they are not.

Let's just say that one of them works in a business that is mercilessly driven by what middle-America deigns right and wrong. If anybody in this corn-fed fanbase the kinky twosome so direly depends on ever got wind of the debauched details in the couple's sex arrangement, life would be over for them both—in seconds.

Hmm. That's quite a gamble, wonder why either of them are even taking it?

Oh, that's right, Henrietta's never been known to see anything close to reason, completely forgot.

AND IT AIN'T: Gisele and Tom Brady, Mo'Nique and Sidney Hicks, Michelle and Barack Obama


Oh, naughty naughty! Our Blind Vice Superstars have stirred up some trouble!

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