Bitch-Back! Lady Gaga's Fine & Ted's Crackers

Readers very distraught over latest Gaga gossip

Dear Ted:
Can't see any change in Lady Gaga's weight between April 2009 and January 2010. You are full of bulls--t!
—Anne

Dear Shoot and Kill the Messenger:
She was alive before 2009, you know.

Dear Ted:
I'm done reading the A.T. after your latest post about Alexander Skarsgård. Why do you feel the need to crap all over him all the time? Don't make a joke about you only posting about people you like because this obviously isn't true. This article is a clear case of defamation of character based on rumors you and your staff made up on a slow day at the office. Also, I've never read anywhere that Gaga is considered fat; you made this into a topic. Please explain to me how this is helping the cause? You clearly are a simple-minded douchebag!
—Anne

Dear Anne (Again):
Honey, get back to Reading Comprehension 101. First off, you know very well we adore Skarsgård, still do. Second, we don't think Lady Gaga is fat! Just telling you some behind the scenes chatter. You do know this is a gossip column, right?

Dear Ted:
My first B.V. guess is that Secretia Ohio and Chester Shorts-Off would be TomKat. She's from Ohio and Tom is Tom. It would help confirm the supposed business contract that was drawn up when they got married.
—Bob

Dear Popular Guess:
I'm just gonna say...no.

Dear Ted:
What's up with Vampire Diaries boys? I get a gay vibe from Paul Wesley. He's a little too perfect. Am I right?
—K

Dear Fangtastic:
The Vamp boys have their secrets. Ask Paul, why don't you?

Dear Ted:
Any info on Lea Michele and the different guys she's been linked to? Cory Monteith? Mark Salling? Jonathan Groff? Are any of these rumors true? (Personally, I'm hoping that the Cory Monteith rumor is.)
—Forever

Dear Gleek:
Well, according to new, fab intern John Boone, Lea liked a lot of boys back in NYC. Possibility Cory's been one.

Dear Ted:
Can you tell me if Kate Bosworth and Kirsten Dunst have anything in common? Love ya!
—M

Dear Outdated:
Sure. Lots. Where do we start?

Dear Ted:
Grey Goose wishes he were Ewan McGregor! Why? Career-wise or relationship-wise? But Ewan is married with children!
—H

Dear Det. Boyish:
The former. Grey has a family now.

Dear Ted:
Thanks for all the Ryan Gosling dirt! He is my favorite. I like the idea of Ryan and Anna Kendrick, but don't you think it's just a matter of when and not if he gets back together with Rachel McAdams? In my opinion, they are meant to be!
—Jen

Dear Oh Dear:
You must be waiting for Gyllenspoon to get back together, too? That love ship has sailed for good.

Dear Ted:
Crazies, to put it lightly, are stealing our monikers and we don't like it. Please make people sign in with names so we are not violated anymore. So, how many hits do you need a day/week. If you help us out, we, and there is a large, large group out there, will give you the hits you need. Please help us and we will help you.
—K

Dear Concerned:
As I've said before, we're looking at the problem, but what's your idea for a solution here?

Dear Ted:
Everyone is up in arms again thinking Robsten have split for good. This is how I see it: They are young, hot, have skyrocketing careers and a whole heck of a lot to deal with over the past year—more than most couples for sure! Add to that the fact that Rob's people want him to have the image of this "hot, single and available man" is a lot of pressure. So, I'm thinking that Robsten decided to use this time apart not only to concentrate on careers, but decide what they want out of this relaysh. I think it's a good sign that they are at least working on it instead of throwing it away when the going gets tough, like most couples in Hollywood.
—Fan for life

Dear Thinker:
Sounds like you've been in Rob and Kristen's sitch before!

Dear Ted:
In regard to closeted gay actors, I don't think Hollywood studios, agents, publicists, etc., give the American public enough credit. Of course, it'll be surprising for some to learn that their favorite stars are gay, but after the initial shock, I think most Americans will get over it and continue to watch their films or TV shows. Closeted gay/bi actors hurt the cause for gay rights just as much (perhaps even more!) as right-wing conservatives. These actors have so much power to help change the hearts and minds of the American public. By not being honest about their sexuality, these actors are condoning homophobia and marriage inequality. Toothy Tile, this means you!
—ss

Dear Ahead of the Times:
While you and I may see eye to eye, hate to say it, but I think some of the public does not. You'd be shocked at how many sheltered folks are out there still.

Dear Ted:
Thanks to Stephenie Meyer's virtuous stance, we all know that there won't be any lovin' in Eclipse. What does Deep Twi say about this? I mean, Edward and Bella do come thisclose a few times in the book. Did Melissa Rosenberg do it justice? Will we see any good Robsten action, even if it is in character?
—Hoping

Dear Third Time's the Charm:
I hear there's a lot of action. And I don't mean the love kind.

Dear Ted:
Help! I just can't keep up with all the rumors! Brangelina is over/not over. Jennifer Anniston is gay/not gay. John Edwards is a dirtball. Lindsay Lohan is a loon on drugs. Lady Gaga is hooking up with Angelina! George Clooney may be gay! How is one to deal? Help! SOS.
—A

Dear Troubled:
I'd say at least two of those are correct, does that help?