Bitch-Back! Is John Tainting Taylor?

The latest dish on John Mayer and Taylor Swift’s rumored romance

Dear Ted:
John Mayer said recently he was tired of girls with "daddy issues." It seems to me that is the only type of girl who would put up with his crap, particularly after his Rolling Stone interview. Any well-adjusted woman would run screaming from his games—save, perhaps, Taylor Swift? Please tell me the rumors aren't true. He seems so smug as he ruins one woman's reputation after another and Taylor seems naive enough to fall for his smarminess.
—F

Dear Hopefully Not So Naive:
Well this much I have to say: If Tay ditches polishing her new collection of Grammys to hook up with D-bag John Mayer, she won't be getting one of the Love Story romances she always sings about. I'm thinking less glass slippers and ballrooms and more penicillin and ball gags. Could her audience take the Alanis Morissette Taylor? Doubt. Don't think she could, either, pray that babe wises up pronto, though I don't believe she has.

Dear Ted:
Love the article about Tom Cruise's Oscar. Got another wishful thinking Oscar contender for ya: How about our favorite R.Pattz playing Holden Caulfield? I think he would be perfect! I was wondering if it would be any easier to secure the rights to Catcher in the Rye now that J.D. Salinger has passed away. Maybe Summit can put their money bags and masterful manipulation to good use for R.Pattz for a change! And R.Pattz at the Oscars? Hot!
—Jenn

Dear Robert in the Rye:
No plans yet for a Catcher in the Rye movie, but J.D. himself—who made it his mission to keep the movie from being made while he was alive—accepted the fact that there could be a postmortem adaptation. But Summit is going to have to cough up some big-time dough if they expect to outbid the likes of Steven Spielberg or Harvey Weinstein for the rights. Gosh, think they have it? We all know that Rob can play the moody rebel perfectly, so why not try it in something a little more esteemed than the Twi franchise. I, too, see the nominations now!

Dear Ted:
I love what you do and, I must say, you keep me very entertained. I just want to wish you a very hot and steamy night this upcoming Valentine's Day. Also, will that movie Valentine's Day with all those actors be any good? I'd hate to waste money and a good date on it if it's not.
—Narissa

Dear Stupid Cupid:
Valentine's Day seems a lot like Love, Actually, which I totally mean as a compliment. But with that many A-listers in the cast, seems like the movie may be overcompensating for something. Could go either way, but I'll be seeing it—even if just to check out the steamy relationship between Bradley Cooper and Eric Dane, both of whom have, as yet, neglected to ask me out for Valentine's.

Dear Ted:
No complaint against you—your writing has me in giggles every lunch break—but the subject matter seems to have gone a bit...stale. Brangelina? Boring! Robsten? Yawn. My gossip ADD is craving something new and shiny to play with! How about Kristen Bell? She's got that keen mix of charming, smart and naughty, and I'm wondering what she and Mr. Shepard are really about. Insight? Much love!
—J

Dear Ring My Bell:
I could rave about K.Bell all day: smart, sexy, funny—the girl's got it all. And she seems to have fallen head over heels for Dax (the duo just got engaged after all). Starlets are always saying they care more about a dude's sense of humor than his looks, and Kristen is one of the few gals that isn't lying.

Dear Ted:
I really enjoy your column and read it every day. But I have to say, I was a little put out by your saying that Angelina is not J.Depp's type because she's "too smart." Not sure why I care, but it made me feel bad for J.D.'s partner, Vanessa. No one deserves that! So rude.
—Jessica

Dear Teacher's Pet:
Vanessa Paradis may be SAT. smart, but she's not smart like Angie. You know, Hollywood smart.

Dear Ted:
Is Angelina Jolie our generation's Joan Crawford? Ever since her post-Billy Bob Thornton days, I've gotten that whole Mommie Dearest vibe. Or would you say Reese Witherspoon is more of a Joan Crawford type?
—CJ

Dear No More Wire Hangers:
I wouldn't count on Pax or Zahara to dish the dirt on Angie in a barn-burning tell-all (although I'm sure there's plenty of dirt to dish). A.J. and R.W. may make some bad decisions, but most of those are with men and not as mommies.

Dear Ted:
Whoah. I looked at the comments on your last Robsten post and had to avert my eyes. I do not envy R and K, not at all. Looks to me like R has always been fine with letting the world know how much he adores K, but K (and her managment?) has demanded it stay on the D.L. Seems like an impossible situation for two people in love. The hate in your comment board is disturbing. What happens if these two ever decide to part ways? Can you please talk some sanity into your posters?
—JS

Dear Robpocalypse  Now:
If the two ever split for good, even I may have to avert my eyes. Hell hath no fury like a bitchy Robsten fan scorned!

Dear Ted:
Out of Zachary Quinto and Chris Pine, Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki, and Brad Pitt and George Clooney, who would you pick as having Hollywood's best bromance (or mutual straight-guy man-crush) and why? Cheers!
—Radha

Dear I Love You, Man:
Pitt-Clooney may be a classic, but right now the hottest bromance is definitely Jackles. And I'm not just picking these two sexy studs because Danneel Harris will Twittack me if I say otherwise.

Dear Ted:
Is it just me or has Brad gone all scruffy (whether role-related or not) like he did nearing the end with Jen? (I think it was eventually blamed on Troy.) Seems like the man likes to grieve while still in the relaysh and, unlike women who try to make themselves feel better by glamming it up, he goes all opposites and takes it down more than a level. So what's his next flick, and who's he going to hook up with on set (and then deny)?
—Amy

Dear Hairy Situation:
Pitt is currently lending his voice to Happy Feet 2 (so thankfully we won't have to see that ratty horror onscreen), and hopefully he'll keep his penguin paws to himself in the process. 

Dear Ted:
Not up to date, so this question might be old news: Is Grey Goose Kevin Spacey?
—Jan

Dear 2009:
Definitely not. Goose has a sexy six-pack, which I'm pretty sure Spacey hasn't had since...forever.

Dear Ted:
You talk about Rob and Kristen—I know, I know, they are the stars of the Twilight movies—but what's the deal with Kellan Lutz? He looks hot in his underwear ad. There's gotta be something wrong with him!
—BB

Dear Lutz of Love:
Oh, he's definitely got flaws. But looking at those so hot they're smoking new Calvin Klein ads, I wonder: Is forgetting a B-day gift really that big of a deal?

Dear Ted:
Do you think there will be a Niley reconnection? If so, when about do you guess it will happen?
—Meg

Dear Disney Dreamin':
When? No one can say. But where? Within sight of the paparazzi, I'm sure.

Dear Ted:
What is wrong with the people who are taking Rob's Details photo shoot with a model so seriously? I can't think of one actor who hasn't posed with a model in their arms once in their life. Zac did, and he did it with a nude model! Rob doing this makes no difference whatsoever. I hope people get over this issue. Please talk sense into them.
—Nadalie

Dear Attention to Details:
Everyone knows that if an actor and a model shoot a sexy photo spread, they have to be getting it on behind the scenes. Obviously.

Dear Ted:
I've never written before, but I'm one of your fans who checks in several times daily for your latest! I have a comment to make on the script for Breaking Dawn: After the first Twilight movie, there was uproar about every single change made in the script from the book. I think, as a direct result, Melissa Rosenberg was told to stay very, very close to the book (as in, don't change a word). I'm a Twi-fan, but I understand that a movie and a book need to be written differently. This led to the stilted effect in New Moon. Now, have you read Breaking Dawn? It's a tough book to begin with, and many readers did not like how certain things occurred in it. I think the general movie audience will like it even less. It seems that some major rewrites are needed, and I think Melissa Rosenberg is well equipped to do it, but I can't imagine Summit and/or Stephenie Meyer OKing that. Without changes, I think the last one or two movies will not work well.
—P

Dear Change We Can Believe In:
I totally agree. I think that Summit and S.Meyer need to take a page from another popular book-to-movie franchise: Harry Potter. J.K. Rowling didn't stop the script writers from editing or rewriting, and those movies have done well at the box office and actually been good at the same time!

Dear Ted:
Just curious: Does Robsten's "break" include permission to see other people? Or was it never that kind of committed relationship in the first place?
—Gotta Know

Dear Open Relationship:
Rob and K.Stew are going to be so busy shooting their next flicks that I doubt they'll be looking for love in their downtime. And don't worry, R.P. and K.S. aren't into swinging, the Twilight duo was strictly monogamous.

Dear Ted:
Count me among those obsessed with Nelly Fang! I'm wondering if he is still taking those sexy runs through the park, or if he is more cautious now that he has been "outed" as a Blind Vice?
—Tampa

Dear Filthy Fang:
You think this bloodsucking stud is scared of little old me? He needs to exercise to keep his bangin' bod in shape, right? And what's better exercise than a little bit of running and a lot of in-the-forest humping.

Dear Ted:
It is great to hear that Colin Firth was nominated for an Oscar for his mesmerizing performance in A Single Man! His comments about gay actors coming out are so spot on. He is a hero to stand up for the gay community! And his Italian wife is so beautiful and classy! They are for real, right? He and Hugh Jackman are the perfect men.
—Lillian

Dear Sexy and Smart:
Firth's comments about it being risky to come are true, which totally sucks. But actors like Neil Patrick Harris are proving that someone can be out of the closet and play hetero just as well as all these "oh-so-brave" straight actors can play gay. Imagine.