Angelina Jolie, Johnny Depp

Kevork Djansezian/Getty Images; Kevin Mazur/Getty Images

Dear Ted:
As Brangelina (reportedly) implodes, or what have you, what do you think are the chances that she'll topple Johnny Depp's relationship with Vanessa Paradis in this upcoming film they're doing? Depp seems better grounded compared to Brad Pitt, and the thought of him becoming another Jolie victim gives me the creeps.
Just A Little Worried on the Other Coast

Dear Forward Thinker:
Like I said from Day 1, I think the chances that Angie-Johnny will hookup in the tabloids is a given. As for real life? She's not his type. Too smart.

Dear Ted:
First, I just want to say I love The AT and you. It helps to brighten my morning knowing that even with my crappy job, I've got it better then some of these H-town crazies. Second, I never put much stock in the Jay-Z/Rihanna rumors, but after the Grammy's? Beyoncé's nervous speech. Jay-Z not even looking at her when he won. And, how weird was it seeing Rihanna holding Beyonce's nephew? Please Ted, what is going on?

Dear Three's Company:
They all seemed to be after-partying together just fine. I def noticed the awkward moment between B & J during her acceptance speech, though. It was the first time I think she has called him out on being her hubby so publicly...chalk it up to surprise?

Dear Ted:
I love how Rob and Kristen are focusing on their careers right now. They are young and hot and unless they want to only be known as Bella and Edward this is an important time for them to branch. So I say good for them. There is plenty of time to figure out the details of a relationship when you are ready to settle down, which I doubt either one is.

Dear Excuse Me:
You sound way too rational to be a reader of our blolum.

Dear Ted:
What's the real deal behind Nick Jonas and Selena Gomez? Is it for PR or are they in love?

Dear It's a Faze:
Selena is just too sweet for Nick. This too, will pass.

Dear Ted:
Are you certain all of these male movie stars are secretly gay? Couldn't they just be bisexual in that they enjoy sexual romps with men (or women) on occasion, meaning they are just plain cheaters? What woman would engage in a fake romance, even to further her career?

Dear Valid Point:
Yeah, sure you could label some of these closeted studs as bisexual, technically. But, for a lot of them, it's a stop on the way to gay-town.

Dear Ted:
Why did you guys start the rumor mill again with the whole Rob and Kristen thing? It seems you guys always do it when one of them has a movie that is coming to theaters. A lot of people think you are working with Rob and Kristen's management team. I can only imagine what nonsense you are going to come up with in a few months when they start promoting Eclipse. I know this is your job, but, don't you get tired of starting rumors with utter nonsense?

Dear Funny Babe:
Uh, how do I put this...let's just say I'm not exactly adored by Rob and Kristen's management teams, so that theory is just laughable. As for making stuff up when they have movies coming out, darling, I couldn't dream half of the stuff that has really gone on behind the drama-filled Twi scenes.

Dear Ted:
How/why were Brad and Jen kaput even before he fell for Angie/skank? That was one amazing secret they kept, considering there was nothing in the tabloids back then? I still feel for Brad, considering he recently had the life sucked out of well as the "clean" gene.

Dear Picked Up:
The tabloids weren't as "on it" back then as they are now. Come to think of it, most of them aren't even "on it" now.

Dear Ted:
Do you ever get the feeling that people don't really read what you have to say about Robsten and just react to the header? I get sick and tired of people bashing you, when you continually say they are still together. But again as you point out that doesn't mean they spend 24/7 together. There are some people out there that need to grow up and realize that real adult relationships require people to accept that work is part of life, and in a lot of professions that requires separation, it doesn't mean that the relationship is dead or over.

Dear Stop Making Sense:
Preachin' to the bloodied choir, babe. But thanks!

Dear Ted:
Just saw more wasted copy about Jon Gosslin, Octomom and other talent deficient types being referred to as "celebrities." I want to suggest a new term for those without discernable talent that the rags insist on writing about: "sublebrity." Of course, holebrity or fauxlebrity might work too! How about it?

Dear Over It:
I like! Should we put it to a test with the always demanding readers first?

Dear Ted:
Lady Gaga
reminds me of how Cher use to dress. I can remember clearly the black Bob Mackie outfit she wore to the Oscars one year with the massive headwear that no one could see past if they were sitting behind her until she took it off. I think Lady Gaga is doing an updated version of the same thing. Your thoughts?
E Johnson

Dear Feelin' It:
I'm sure she's a little Cher-Madonna inspired. But for the most part, I think the grand Gaga will do anything for shock value. I'm not complaining! It's a welcome change in what was seeming like a very bland music industry.

Dear Ted:
When I saw the beautiful picture of Ewan McGregor and Jim Carrey kissing in Paris my first thought was how great it could be if they were a couple in real life. Is there any chance they are Toothy Tile and Grey Goose?

Dear Nope:
You're off the mark a bit, babe. Just curious—which one is which? Grey Goose wishes he was Ewan McGregor, though.

Dear Ted:
I've read that Robsten Googles themselves from time to time. Any idea if they know what's going down on the AT this week and how upset fans are about their "break"?

Dear FOMO:
Rob, Kristen, why don't you take this one?

Dear Ted:
Could you please ease off Angie bashing for just a second. What has this lady done to you and all those haters out there? I would say get a life but I am sure you are going so say you already have all I am going to say is please get another. I pray they stay together so that haters like you and others can choke by just seeing them together! Back the f--k up please! (Excuse my French.)

Dear Loony Tunes:
You're excused.


Catch more of Ted's thoughts on Hollywood in old Bitch-Back's

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