Franchising herself must seem like second nature to Ash-hon, since everyone from her fiancé to her sister is doing the same damn thing. Let’s take a look at how everyone’s self-branding in Ash’s (very small) bittersweet world stacks up against each other:
What: Wet Seal, targeted for 12-year-olds whose allowance can’t cover Gwen Stefani’s Harajuku Lovers line.
How much Ashlee? Her face splashed across almost every shirt. The one with the new nose, duh—tho I hope they make a few collector’s items with her old one emblazoned on a tank top.
Worth it? Personally, we wouldn’t use these shirts to wash our cars. The material looks cheap; the patterns, uninspired. The designs are more suited to a Trapper Keeper than a wardrobe. And in a few more months, even Ash won’t fit into her own superthin garments.What: Clandestine line. It was mostly tween fans who had their parents pay for their bat-'n'-diamond-decorated hoodies, but now people outside of high school and mosh pits are donning his duds.
How much Pete? Only the odd P.W. or Fall Out Boy mention, typically tongue in cheek (“Make Love Not Wentz” is smirked across a shirt). His pup, Hemingway, is more prominent on his clothes than he is. And cuter, too. Who knew Petey had some humility?
Worth it? Looks like a real fashionable effort, and not a case of vanity, to promote your pompous celeb self. We approve.
What: Hair extensions with constant coif companion Ken Paves. Jessie also has an edible beauty-product line, Dessert. Didn’t this girl used to sing or something?
How much Jessica: Thankfully, Jessica’s brain doesn’t come attached with the hair extensions, so once you clip them in your noggin, you’ll still know the difference between chicken and fish.
Worth it: We thankfully have all the hair we need.
Tomorrow? Sell-Your-Ass Part 2, and it smells somethin’ awful!