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The pope himself has finally made it clear that he doesn’t wear—and under no circumstances will he wear—a funny hat. While in Australia recently, a bunch of kids from the O.C. who were visiting Down Under gave him a Mickey Mouse brim—big black ears and all, just like Britney used to wear!—only to have him toss the thing to his holy iPhoning assistants. What a waste. If they knew a rabbi, the shunned teen gift givers could have yanked the ears off and made a snazzy yarmulke. Incidentally, the boss Catholic normally wears a lid called a “zucchetto.” Order that with rigatoni and red sauce in Rome and they’ll staple your scrotum to your chin. As for the above clip, who wants to watch videos of the pope? Unless it's The Pope of Greenwich Village.

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