Oh, underage heavens, what will Hollywood's viler stars think of next? Find out in this week's frightening Blind Vice! Plus, is Lindsay Lohan just wanting to have fierce fun with the girls right now? Is she done with boy messes for the moment? Smart babe!
Lindsay Lohan, Samantha Ronson


Lindsay Lohan and androgynous accoutrement Samantha Ronson aren’t exactly all amiga smooches and designer-water outings right now, just thought we’d clear the awful air, know what I mean, babes? Indeed, L ‘n’ S, the most fab booby couple (platonic, as far as we know) since Jess ‘n’ Nick were having a rather rough time at H'wood night-joint GOA. Appeared to our sly sober source to be an awkward spat, tho L 'n' S could have been bickering about the phone bill for all we know. Word, natch, is Sam-Ron’s been spending basically every sundown-to-sunrise at Lohan’s pad, protecting the struggling starlet from her own addictions. And there’s no better 12-step sponsor than a dark DJ who stays out all night playing and partying in clubs. Right?
Courtenay Semel

E! Networks

L2’s last roommate brave enough to live with the coming-and-blowing babe, remember, was Yahoo! heiress Courtenay Semel, who also happens to adore badass-girlie company. Mere coincidence? Just don’t expect LiLo to pose blond and in the buff on the cover of Oprah anytime soon. Seriously, tho, we don’t really care if La Lohan is an aficionado of the tougher broad hangs like she is of the leggings. But we wouldn’t be surprised at this point if LiLo hit on a Precious Moments figurine. Girl’s obviously got an appetite for everything, except food, her still stick-thin frame seems to say. What we do give an ef about is making sure Linds lives long enough to realize her dreams of procuring an Oscar before the age she can legally rent a car. And we doubt a nightlife-lovin’ gal-pal is gonna be the rock this rebellious celebrity requires. More fun for us press heathens.
Brody Jenner, Barack Obama

Jean Baptiste Lacroix/WireImage.com, Paul Fenton/Zumapress.com

The cast of The Hills has clearly run out of insignificant filler to fight about ad our collective nauseam, so they’ve wandered off into gabbing about actual stuff with substance. Heidi Montag has endorsed John McCain for prez, which should boost his ratings approval with idiots, and now Brody Jenner is endorsing Obama. “He’s just cool,” stated B.J. while relaxing at T-town club LAX, ever the political analyst. “He’s young, and I think people would take us more seriously with Iraq and everything.” We think it’s hilarious that the vapid wastes of space that occupy the MTV reality-ish show think their endorsements for president matters with the masses. Or what’s more horrifying...what if they do? When we live in a world where Spencer Pratt is seen as a voice of reason for a generation begging for answers, we’ve got some serious worrying to do. Good thing most people who watch The Hills aren’t old enough to vote for anything other than American Idol contestants. Just watch out if Whitney Port starts backing Jason Castro...the horror.
Ellen DeGeneres

Glenn Weiner/ZUMA Press

Now that Brodes has backed Barack, things are looking gloomier for Hillary Clinton's once hot campaign. But there’s another boob-tube personality helping Hil out in what is slowly becoming an Obama-only race. Don’t forget too quickly (as I’m told some Clinton campaign folks would like you to) that H.C. showed up on Ellen DeGeneres' daytime show and, shockers, El-babe adored the gay-power-defending doll.
“I’m going to do everything I can to make sure that people like you and Portia and others have a chance to have, you know, rights to be able to go to the hospital, inherit property...we just have to make this much more fair.”
That’s all great, Hil-hon, but in our fagola-minded fantasies, “fair” means “marriage,” none of this separate-but-(un)equal stuff. If heteros like Britney and K-Fed can skank up the sanctity of legalized unions, everyone should be able to. Can’t we get a candidate with the cojones to just flat out demand a better deal for all the happily coupled homos?
Carrie Underwood

Steve Granitz/WireImage.com

Carrie Underwood was all work and little play while at Sin City’s Tabú Ultra Lounge at the MGM Grand, filming the vid for her new single “Last Name,” a prequel of sorts for her car (and man) bashing “Before He Cheats.” A song Becky and I truly adore, you? Under-hon donned an orange and yellow halter dress with matching canary heels. This beautiful blonde's definitely a summer—always sporting such fun, sunny colors. Between takes of the shoot that lasted well into the morning, the Idol winner took photos with the cast and crew. Looks like a gal’s work is never done when it comes to the upkeep of her fan base. If she ever gets too tired to tackle another sold-out tour, I’m sure Teri Hatcher wouldn’t mind stepping in for the singer. We’d mind, tho.
Oh, and as some Underwood campers actually feared, Ms. H did not show up and try to sneak in a cameo. Nabe George Clooney—he lives next to Tare-bear—must have thrown her in a food bin (empty, of course) to keep her from catching the flight.
Cora Skinner, Brody Jenner

Jordan Strauss/WireImage.com

Brody Jenner, ‘course, broke up with g-f of half a year, model Cora Skinner. That’s gotta be some world record of relationships, right? Reportedly the duo figured out they’re better off as platonic pals, though we gotta wonder if B.J.’s got any friends of the female persuasion whom he doesn’t also count as a bed-buddy. The Hills hottie was seen lunchin’, sunny Malibu-style, with a group of chums, including Deal or No Deal briefcase babe Kendhal Beal legging up beside the lad. From one model to the next, huh Brodes? Guess every guy’s got his (pretty-predictable) type.
He looks like every other brown-haired douche bag wandering around T-town, celeb and nonceleb alike. Does he think just 'cause he’s rumored to have Lindsay’s paw prints all over his bod that makes him special? Get in line, Jenner.
Lindsay Lohan

Jamie McCarthy/wireImage.com

Dear Ted:
Maybe everyone should stop giving La Lohan shit for her nonmonogamous ways. Poor thing has a fam from hell and a dad who only cared about booze when she was a very young girl. I was in her boat. No love from dad means trying to find that validation wherever it’s given. Too bad she took the same road as I once did, because girl is beautiful and (was) a good actress.
  D. Garber
  Lancaster, Pa.
Dear Recovering Slut:
Thanks for the heartfelt approach, but do you realize how many actors in this town are eternally searching for the cuddles and attention they never received at home? Why stop at Lindz with that sob stuff? Better yet, just don’t start it. We’re adults here, not X-rated kindergartners. 
Blind Vice: Version 1

E! Networks/Comcast Entertainment Group

OK, we all know there are certain bachelors in Hollywood, the ones who will never settle down with anything but booze 'n' their little black books. But Dangling Wrangler is taking it one illegal step further: with a chick who's hardly legal enough to fight back. What a nasty freak.
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