Dubbed, Dumb and Bummed

Today's Blind Vice, about Purcell Poke-Me, sets the stage for yet another potential celeb outing, they're getting so ho-hum, ya know!  Britney confuses Petco with her depo, but for once, other people's problems are stealing Brit-Brit's perpetual thunder—more on Heath's darker days, while the Dark Knight faces probs of its own. Also, readers write and fight back with 10 Things They Hate About Ted.

Britney just stopped by Petco again, 'course. The broad with no kids (that she seems to care about much) went to the animal outlet for the billionth time in a week. Even there, don’t think the maternal thang is working. Are you returning the bird you got earlier while flipping your own to the shocked bystanders, babe? Gone was the sleaze-a-razzo b-f and his gleaming Mercedes. In his stead was a g-f, a dirty, beaten-up white car and, 'course, the usual pestering paps, who are getting even more obnoxious: Now, they've been leaving their cars running—in the middle of traffic—while they photograph the skanklicious one. Huge traffic jam resulted.

Well, the rest of the city has stopped dead, watching this bitch, why shouldn’t every single damn car at Santa Monica Boulevard and Doheny do so as well?

"Someone will have to dub his voice. It’s the only way."

—Studio insider behind Warners’ upcoming Batman flick, The Dark Knight, starring the late Heath Ledger

Loads of folks have been wondering if Ledger had done any looping for his Dark scenes, which he’d finished filming, of course. I've been given the answer on just how many looping sessions (a most essential postproduction process almost always required of actors in a flick) Heath had completed: zero. It’s an enormous problem for Warners to finagle—not to mention the entire marketing scheme, which had been centered around Ledger as the Joker. More on that next week. Meanwhile, the audio predic:

When Oliver Reed died, his second to last film, Gladiator, was in the exact same editing period Dark is now. The Brit star had already completed several looping sessions—just not all of them. So, the audio experts digitally re-created, vowel by vowel, quite literally, Reed’s voice from those earlier recordings. But Warners is entirely cooked in that regard: no looping sessions to draw from. They’ll be pressed, I’m told by those who are currently scrambling to help address the Heath factor, to use a replacement actor.

Sorry, don’t see the prob nearly as much as Heath himself was faced with. More on that right now:

Overheard in the Hell-Ay parking lot of a Carl’s Jr., where all locations have their flags flying low in honor of deceased founder Carl Karcher:

"Wow,” said the gawking, burger-minded babe. “The flags are at half-mast for Heath Ledger. That's so sweet."

Hardly as naively fawning is the latest word I’m hearing from a director who worked (obviously very closely) with the 28-year-old Aussie star. And all you malcontents who feel my earlier reportage of the drug-addled Dark Knight dude was disrespectful, get ready to blow an e-gasket.

“He had a heroin problem,” the A-list filmmaker revealed about the boy who was tragically discovered in his Manhattan residence, nude, waiting for a masseuse and with an assortment of pills on hand. And two of our original sources who were the first to reveal to AT how heavily Ledger was into drugs would not comment on the accusation. Nor would the director say how current Heath’s alleged habit was. However, complete toxicology test results due in a few weeks might give us more insight.

Heath did play a heroin addict in the film Candy. Could his well-known and diligent research into his character have resulted in a bad new way of life? Dunno. That’s kinda like saying Philip Seymour Hoffman shoulda become a fruit after playing notorious flamer Truman Capote in the eponymous flick that won him an Oscar. Don’t buy it. Ledger was, after all, an actor—and a most gifted one, at that.

The Brit tabs are busy screaming that Heath had a serious drug habit the Casanova stud hadn’t exactly put to bed. Could that be why the guy was so painfully thin? Regardless, we still haven’t heard anything to confirm that Courtney Love-esque fact. But many questions remain: (1) Why did the masseuse set up her table to massage Ledger, as reported by the New York Times, before checking on him, and (2) why in the hell did she call Mary-Kate Olsen first instead of 911? Did the body-worker just assume Mary-Kate would know what to do, since the tiny hon already had some (weight) rehab experience herself?

Just asking. This story’s far from over. Read on for some sobering thoughts on how ugly it’s already become.

When we published—on the very day Heath died—that a close bud, or two, of his said the Perth-born performer had a drug history, some folks had a prob with that. Take a gander:

“When you and this so-called friend of Heath's become doctors, then you can make comments on his death after examining his blood. You are a bottom feeder."
  Millie
  Baltimore, Maryland

"I thought Heath was a pothead—am I that naive?"
  Susan
  Albuquerque, New Mexico

"I'm shocked and saddened by the fact that you couldn't even let Heath’s body get cold before you started in on him about his supposed drug use and 'babe-touring.' Furthermore, what on earth could possibly be the point in referencing Heath Ledger going into a bathroom stall with Tara Reid? I have never written to a columnist before, but then again, I've never been so disgusted by an obvious lack of sensitivity for grieving family and fans. You ought to be ashamed of yourself, Ted. That's 'fer sure.' "
  Rachel
  Detroit

"How about showing just a little bit of sympathy and remorse for the loss of this amazing actor?"
  Ann
  San Luis Obispo, California

 "When is Hollywood going to wake up and realize that it's aiding in the killing of its stars? Why doesn't anyone just throw these poor people into rehab before they all die?"
  Heather
  New York City

"The Awful Truth is just awful these days. The wit that used to leaven the harsh criticism is no longer there. All that remains is something so bitter...Your column is hitting lower than the lives you like to look down on."
  Ros
  Melbourne, Australia

"Good job on Heath, including some editorializing which is needed occasionally in this crazy world."
  Linda S.

Dear Riled-Up Readers:
I think I’ve said enough, certainly for today, on the subject of Heath’s horrible passing. But I stand by everything this gossip column has reported.

Watch Purcell Poke-Me as he writhes and oozes do-me sex appeal with his trainer on the mats of a Hollywood gym. Poke-Me's muscles tease the girls while the boys steam with envy. But don't look too closely at the sweaty he-man: This once larger-than-life celeb may have a secret he doesn't want his fans (the few ones he has left) finding out—not to mention his ex, supersensitive Slurpa Pop-Off! Check it out in this week's bisexually bewildering Blind Vice...