From Pamela Anderson to T.R. Knight to Katie Cruise's bangs (again), girl- 'n' boyfriends, do we have mouthings-off and mush musings for you. Plus, what the hell did hunk-o-rama Ben Foster do prior to stardom? His stains will tell!
Pamela Anderson, Rick Salomon

Jeffrey Mayer/, Steve Granitz/

Oh, Pam Anderson, you devilish, almost-divorcing dame! Before we get to boy-on-boy demonic doings, just want to weigh in and ask somethin':

Just curious. Did Mr. Rick "Ex to Shannen Doherty and Paris Hilton Salomon end up having not quite as much moolah from his ol' hons as he might have advertised? Or did the quickie union just all go to hell in a handheld camera? Can't wait to see the outtakes from this feelin'-no-pain performance, should there be one! Do tell.

Not quite as interested in the notoriety is another fairly infamous fella. Read on...

T.R. Knight

Albert L. Ortega/

"I don't hold anything against you."

—T.R. Knight, to yours truly at a fundraiser over the weekend, in regard to the Isaiah Washington firestorm my questioning at the Golden Globes last year helped create

'Tis the season to be bighearted, right? Just hit the annual GLASS Home for the Holidays do. GLASS is terrific. It's an organization that helps young gay and lesbian kids carry on in life, a challenge freaks like Washington certainly haven't helped encourage. But since all of the media meltdown after Washington so publicly repeated his antigay slur against T.R. in front of me and myriad entertainment reporters at the Bev Hilton, I had never had a chance to talk with Knight privately.

"I feel torn somewhere between saying 'I'm sorry for what you went through' and 'Good riddance Isaiah's off the show'," I said to the Grey's Anatomy star, small and cute in his buzz cut at the Hollywood bash.

Grey's Anatomy, Isaiah washington

Scott Garfield/ABC

"Everything happens for a reason," Knight replied kindly, seeming wholly at ease with how things turned out.

"Actually, I think Isaiah should have stayed with the show and played a gay man who gets gay bashed," I added, never having been one to leave a nice feel-good moment alone. Must be that tacky Texan upbringing.

"You mean Burke?" T.R. responded a tad incredulously, since the doc is such on-air butch thang.

"Yeah," I said. "Why not? He should have turned out to be a closet case. Would have been a much more just ending to it all, actually."

Perhaps T.R. agrees? Does laughter and mirth under the mistletoe qualify as approval? During the holidays, sure it does! Less kissy-kissy, by far, are the following:

Jessica Alba

Steve Granitz/WireImage

Dear Ted:
As an ob-gyn doc and in light of Jessica Alba announcing yet another Hollywood pregnancy, I gotta ask, what do stars have against birth control?

Dear Protection Patrol:
Hey, popping the pill or putting on a condom is one of the few things you can't pay an assistant to do. Maybe that's it?

T.R. Knight, Katherine Heigl

Lisa O?Connor/

Dear Ted:
I'm with the female Hollywood producer you mentioned on the Katherine Heigl issue. Not since Rudy Giuliani have I seen someone get so far on someone else's misfortune! This basic blond bimbo came into "her own" by fighting T.R. Knight's battle (which, I might add, was the best thing that ever happened to his career) and stirring up the "I hate Isaiah Washington" brouhaha. Heigl's Emmy should have been for Best Gay Exploitation Move of 2006! I know you'll be up in arms about this, as you're a rabid I.W. hater.
  Alexandria, Virginia

Dear Heigl = Antichrist:
Actually, I'm not. Very good points.

Dax Shephard

Paul Fenton/

Dear Ted:
Am I the only person on the planet who thinks Dax Shepard (and his possibly icky preferences) and Justin Timberlake are not hot?
Charleston, South Carolina

Dear Dude Disser:
No, but we're sure with ya more on the former than on the latter. You might find a like-minded bitcher in Cam Diaz, though.

Dear Ted:
I used to love these Blind it just seems really cruel. Obviously, Pricey Dicey from One Keep-On-Truckin' Blind Vice is Drew Carey. He was hospitalized more than once for suicide attempts. This type of "not-outing outing" just shames the person. Ted, you seem so nice inside—why would you do this? More important, why am I reading this?

Dear Crabby-Cakes:
Same reason we're writing this nonsense, darling—it's damn fun! Two things: No, ain't Drew. And we are not doing anything but reporting these tales, often veiled. We're the messengers here, babe, not the envelope pushers themselves.

Brad Pitt, Pax

Dear Ted:
I just don't get how in every column you make it your objective to say negative things about Angelina Jolie. I am starting to think either you want to be her or you want to be with Brad Pitt. Give it up, it's not going to happen.

Dear Maddox:
Don't you have some little brother or sister to go tease?

Dear Ted:
Why do beautiful women in expensive knee-length frocks refuse to wear stockings on their ugly legs? It's really distracting when the gams are not as lovely as the rest of them.
Tacoma, Washington

Dear Knee Knocker:
Same reason men with ginormous bald spots drive convertibles.

Katie Holmes

AP Photo/Miguel Villagran

Dear Ted:
I know we all have our own likes and dislikes, but Katie's ornament-shaped 'do looks so not good.
Sturgis, Michigan

Dear Midwestern Minder:
Feel better?

Jon Stewart

Norman Jean Roy-Comedy Central

Dear Ted:
Usually your Blind Vices are tricky, but Pricey Dicey was too easy. Jon Stewart is involved in a high-risk new show in 2008, and the Emmys love him both as host and nominee. And he is "always amusing," of course!
Canberra, Australia

Dear Overly Confident:
Nice try, but Pricey's not as well-known as Jon. He certainly doesn't have his own show.

Dear Ted:
When opening your Christmas cards, from whom would you least expect to receive season's greetings? Have a great holiday season!

Dear Going Postal:
It's a toss-up between Ann Coulter and Ah-nuld.

Dear Ted:
Is Tubby Pay-Stub Belushi?

Dear Misguided in Maryland:
No, g-friend, Tubby from One Dollar-a-Second Blind Vice ain't Belushi. Come on, Johnny-boy's not that fat! Think pudgier and pastier.

Anne Hathaway

Gregg DeGuire/

Dear Ted:
Enough with the dissing of us fair-skinned people. I think Anne Hathaway's pale skin is just as beautiful as your tanned one. Nature made a rainbow of skin colors, and they are all lovely.
  Raleigh, North Carolina

Dear Pasty Is Pretty:
A fair complexion can be lovely, but we're just saying a little blush, bronzer or a good pair of black tights would do wonders for Anne.

Dear Ted:
Why are you sour-pussing J.Lo on her decision to keep her pregnancy mum? You didn't cry foul on Christina Aguilera for denying her pregnancy. I sense unfairness here.

Dear Bump Stump:
Hey, we respect a gal's right to remain mum until she's sure she's expecting, but when you start looking like you swallowed a watermelon and still say nothing, it gets a little ree-dick. Props to Jessica Alba for taking the bump by the horns, so to speak, and announcing it early.

Dear Ted:
I think the Tubby you're talking about is Kevin James. Ain't it so?

Dear Hitched to the Wrong Guy:
Kev's not our bisexual boy, although he and Tubby might wear the same size pants. Think not quite prime-time television.

Dear Ted:
What is it with all the celebrities, both male and female, wearing huge sunglasses—even at night?
Bellflower, California

Dear Duh:
As the dubious Victoria Beckham once said, "Sunglasses hide a multitude of sins." Other than bag Becks, it's the only thing she's ever gotten right, so let's give the broad her due, 'kay?

President Bush


Dear Ted:
I saw a recap of Jenna Bush on Ellen the other day. Ellen persuaded her to phone her father's office just to see how easily she could reach him. She ended up dialing up her mother's personal line. The secretary patched her through to Laura and, lo and behold, Dubya was sitting right there with her. I totally believe your Desk DeeCee that something is up with their marriage, but now I'm wondering if there has been a reconciliation?
Calgary, Alberta, Canada

Dear Det. Domestic:
Nothing official happens till after the Bushes leave the Oval Office, darling. Remember, they're Republicans. And even then, it will all be most quiet. (Remember, they're WASPs.)

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