While Paris Hilton waited patiently in line (at the friggin' Bev Hilton) with new pal Vanessa Minnillo, Mischa Barton got blasted by guards at the bash where America Ferrera and Kyra Sedgwick went to celebrate their Globe-ular successes. And what the eff was Sacha Baron Cohen's problem, huh?
Mary-Kate Olsen

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Oh, before I get to the latest scoopage that other publications are pretending they had first (Brangelina movin’ to N’Awlins and Us Weekly, to be exact), let’s mosey back to those bashes Cristina Gibson, my sensational new Awful intern, Liza with a Y!, Liza Yorks, and I were buzzin’ about before. Like I said, the In Style/Warner Bros. fete was hoppin’ with mostly hot celebs, from the Olsen duo to all the Desperate divas alongside Hollywood tough-ass hunks such as Clint Eastwood and Hilary Swank.

Mischa Barton, Cisco Adler

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Mischa Barton told me her date for the night was her agent, but I saw Ms. B., in a black strapless number, sneak boyfriend Cisco Adler past the long line, which held, I kid you not, such patient stiletto-coolers as Paris H. and her band o’ gabby gals—behaving, all of ‘em!

Unlike M.B., who bypassed everybody else and tried to sneak in past the not-having-it goon-guards.

"Back of the line!" bellowed one of the security guards so strongly, I think Mischa forgot how to pout there for a sec. She ran away, just as Cisco’s greasy locks were near trembling, I kid you not.

Michelle Trachtenberg

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Less scary, more sisterly, inside the rarified party, Michelle Trachtenberg said she brought her sis along for the bash. This was right before Ms. T. did something else on the iconoclastic side: She actually selected a calorie-loaded Godiva chocolate from the assortment being offered by ridiculously good-looking waiters (who were almost as enticing as one entire wall of chocolate, the contents of which desperately needed to be downed by most every malnourished babe in the soiree, alas, no takers...).

Props to the gal for sampling sweets right then and there! I asked Mich if she ever felt the pressure to be pin-thin here in H'wood.

"Absolutely not!" she said through bites. "I love food and I eat it all the time." Us, too, babe!

Vanessa Williams

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I asked Vanessa L. Williams how she thought her big winner show, Ugly Betty, was changing T-town standards of beauty.

"I hope women, and young girls especially, can identify with Betty and realize that it has nothing to do with what your outside looks like," Vanessa explained, all fallen-beauty-pageant proper. (V.W. was far more zealous when I asked her backstage why folks love bitches like the one she plays on Ugly so much. "It’s fun!" she squealed, eyes alive 'n' wild.)

America Ferrera

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Outspoken queen o' the night of pageantry herself, America Ferrera was more aglow at In Style, less teary-eyed as I found her earlier.

"Is ugly the new black?" I inquired. "It’s the perfect accoutrement," A.F. sassed back without missing a prime-time beat. Love that gal.

Kevin Bacon, Kyra Sedgwick

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Fellow boob-tube award winner Kyra Sedgwick, with hub-unit Kevin Bacon and their daughter, looked a bit more sedate and reserved. Is it because I asked what keeps them from being the next Reese and Ryan? How do they keep pro tension outta their marriage?

"It’s never been an issue," K. responded evenly.

Sacha Baron Cohen

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Just as prickly, perhaps, was Sacha Baron Cohen, who was doing his best to celebrate and not be the big, bloated egotistical schmuck he’s been with journalists, ever since he made it big. Mr. B.C., with flame-haired fiancée Isla Fisher, arrived at our very own E!/EMA Golden Green party. But even though he’s done his best to cease doing all publicity as Borat, Baron Cohen nevertheless deferred my query on what Hell-Ay advice S.B.C. had for soon-to-arrive David Beckham to his infamous alter ego.

I said if I wanted to ask Borat my query, I would have addressed him as such, so never friggin’ mind. Oy, go find some more schlongs to play with, already.

Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie

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What favorite celebrity couple and their too-famous fledglings are rumored to have purchased a home in New Orleans? None other than Brangelina & Co., 'course! The fam that never seems to stay put in any one country may be settling down once and for all, I’m sure you’re veddy happy to hear.

I told you here first (last week!) in this very missive that the move looked to be happening, and now, Us Weekly, quelle surprise, has confiscated the gab that Brad and Angelina may have purchased a home and even enrolled Maddox in an elementary school in the area.

Beatcha, babycakes!

Okay, so why the city made famous by Bourbon Street, crooked politics and megadisaster?

Angelina Jolie, Billy Bob Thornton

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Brad, ‘course, is currently stationed there while he films The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. This is a flick about aging backwards, a movie perhaps inspired by Pitt’s honey, Angelina Jolie, who—curvaceous earth mother vixen now—looks like the friggin’ daughter of that blood-vial-wearing wife to Billy Bob Thornton, remember her skanky ass?

Back to moving biz: The couple has taken quite a liking to N’Awlins, where it is fairly common knowledge Angelina simply adores the fact that she can just be a "normal" mom, away from the glitz and glare of Hollywood. Mind you, I think this is complete and utter hogwash, and our global Princess Di-reincarnated knows damn well she’ll get mucho attention for simply buying a friggin’ cup o’ gumbo, so let’s get real on that one.

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