Hairy Sitches

Oh merde, Toothy Tile's sure got company in the same-sex shenanigans going on (quite publicly) round town—check out our latest boyish Blind Vice. Plus, Sean Penn puzzles, Phil Donahue (self) muzzles and Rebecca Romijn unleashes!

Stupid Cupid Correction:  Sean Penn actually did appear at the Beowulf premiere here in H'wood Monday night. Turns out Sean skipped the red carpet altogether, opting not to take pics with Robin. A few fearless photogs did manage to snap some far less formal pics of them, though. So, we sincerely apologize to Sean for saying he was a no-show. And by the by, his peeps did not ask for this correction. We insisted on it ourselves, just to show we take the love ‘n’ innuendo we report on as seriously as does Angelina and her fat intake.

But as far as gruff Sean-love’s goings-on go, we’re still not sure why he ditched his Q&A at the Into the Wild screening Saturday. His official excuse was he was headed back to San Fran to spend time with the wife. But they both were back in Hell-Ay just one day later for Beowulf. Couldn’t he have just stayed in town for the screening and caught up with his missus on Monday? And why was S.P. also a confirmed attendee—but then a for-real absentee—at his very own Body of War screening Tuesday (read on)? Sean, you just lurve to keep us on our toes, doncha dude?

Phil Donahue is an idiot. He’s a well-meaning idiot, but he’s a doofus-brain, just the same. We stopped in for the Sean Penn ArcLight AFI screening of Donahue's gripping Iraq doc, Body of War, and admired wife-unit Marlo Thomas’ still-perky 'do at the after-soiree. Christine Lahti was there, Bridget Moynahan was strutting nearby for the Noise screening, was all celluloid fun. Until we decided to get political.

After all, Phil certainly did, when he opted to use vet Tomas Young’s sad tale as the film’s main antiwar thrust. Young, an admittedly green soldier from Kansas City, signed up to serve his country mere days after 9/11. He was immediately sent to Iraq (a country that, of course, had nothing whatsoever to do with the World Trade Center devastation that so inspired Young in the first place), and was promptly shot by Iraqi insurgents while riding in a ridiculously unprepared, unprotected Army vehicle—five days after Young arrived in Iraq.

Paralyzed as a result of the gunfire, Young was shipped between a few government hospitals and dumped back in his mother’s house with little or no counseling or medical advice on how to now live his life as a paraplegic. Hey, where’s the USA love, bro? Donahue, along with codirector Ellen Spiro, does a great job of asking this use-'em-and-leave-'em query. To Young’s family, to the U.S. Congress, to various senators, to demonstrators on the street—to everyone but the man to whom it should most fervently be directed, who essentially sent Young to Iraq in the first place: Dubya.

See, when Tomas shows us, so courageously on camera, what it’s like to have a catheter inserted so he can take a leak, or to explain myriad (and ultimately useless) aids for trying to have sex—all this shoulda been done in front of the White House, as far as we’re concerned. After all, Donahue showers the flick with Bush-skewering rhetoric and lampooning shots galore, so we asked P.D. if he'd ever contacted the White House directly and asked them about Young’s grossly unfair case.

“What, they’re gonna take my call?” Phil sarcastically sassed back at us, brow furrowing deeper than it ever did on his popular gab show. “Do you realize,” Donahue continued, as if the following excuse would exonerate him from taking Tomas’ plight right to the top (where it certainly belongs, in our tax-paying opinion), “Michael Moore, right now, is the most hated man in the White House?”

And with good reason, Mr. D! Moore thrusts his rebellious babies precisely where they belong—right down people’s throats. It’s a damn compliment to Moore that the Oval Office set despises him so. Means he’s doing his job. Oh, that you had finished yours, Phil.

Pissy P.S.: For the pot calling the big-haired kettle black record, we even call up the damn White House for response, and we’re just gossin’ ‘bout silly crap like boozin’ and domestic discord, for heaven's sake. Grow some cojones, already, Phil!

Hissy P.P.S.: Okay, we couldn’t stand it. We got all in Phil D’s business and called the President for him. Spoke with a terribly polite rep for the Prez named Matthew (who was all “Mr. Casablanca” this and “Mr. Casablanca” that). Matty-babe promised he’d pass along how important Tomas’ case was to Bush, based on our request, and he’d find out if GWB would, indeed, be commenting on Young’s case and Body of War. Don’t stay up waiting for it, but do stay tuned.

Rebecca Romijn had two things to celebrate at a luncheon Wednesday: her L.A. Confidential cover and her B-day, which was actually the day before. The kitchen gurus over at NineThirty restaurant at the W hotel in Westwood even whipped up a cake with Rebecca’s pic on it. Too sweet.

R.R. said she’d already started partying last weekend, when her hub-unit Jerry O'Connell threw a brunch for his babe with her friends and Ugly Betty castmates, natch. So, what’d Jerry give his gal? “He bought me some beautiful jewelry, and then he also bought something so unromantic,” Rebecca dished. “An electric, wireless fence for one of my dogs that has a runaway problem. As a responsible dog owner, I’ve gotta keep that little guy in the yard!”

Oh, as long as we’re on hairy sitches—and as the lunch was cosponsored by the SPCA—we so wanted to get R2’s take on the whole Iggy and Ellen sitch. “I got involved with them [the SPCA] this year when they helped me out of a bind that also had to do with a certain rescue facility,” R2 stated. “And I think it was really sad what the rescue group did to that family.“

Excuse us? What the rescue folks did to the fam? Uh, do believe the blame was on the other paw, what with Ellen’s viewers phoning up and threatening the rescue outfit (Mutts and Moms) with death, among other unseemly calling cards. Regardless, Ms. R continued: 

“Ellen wasn’t gonna give that dog to just anyone...she’s a dog lover. The family would have been very responsible with that dog.” Agreed, Becky darling. It’s just that you’re setting a bad precedent, encouraging the handing off of an adopted animal you’ve committed to raise. Back to the rescue is always the way to go. 

Otherwise, some poor critter’s gonna eventually get dumped with somebody who doesn’t have the animal’s best interest at heart. Sorta like Ellen.

Oh, here we go again. Let's get all hot (and we mean really hot) and boyishly bothered over Tinseltown's latest versatile 'n' virile actor who doesn't seem to be able to find a boy in a towel he doesn't like. Ready to take it all off, yourself? Sure ya are, 'cause it's Blind Vice Friday!