The Painted Veil, the new Naomi Watts and Edward Norton flick about adultery, great Chinese landscapes and Mr. N.'s sumptuous butt, premiered Wednesday evening at ArcLight Cinemas here in Hell-Ay. Aussie A-lister Watts arrived at said event straight off a plane from New Yawk after doing Today that morning. Can you believe Nic Kidman's best gal-pal didn't even look the least bit jet-lagged? Damn those friggin' beaucoup bucks beauty concoctions!
Since we're all still reeling over the dissolution of the century's greatest romance, i.e., Brit 'n' K-Fed, and since Painted is largely about fixing broken marriages, I asked Watts for her two cents on fizzling romance. She was rather game:
"So often when you're in a relationship, it's like mad fireworks and sexual chemistry and then that fades off," N.W. surmised, supersultry in her nude Givenchy. But then she changed mood gears a tad: "And then you come in and get irritated and stop laughing at each other's jokes."
Hmmm...Could Naomi-doll be referring to her long-term relationship with Liev Schreiber, by any chance?
'Cause I was feelin' those ultra-blah vibes from her and Schreiber, who arrived holding Ms. W.'s hand, and, ultimately, the duo acted rather blasé together during photo ops and interviews. Where's the red-hot randy stuff with you two cuties? Cooling?
I asked Norton, who was flyin' solo, for his ruminations on unions, of any variety, gone awry. "I think anybody who's been in a relationship for a long time can relate to wanting to poison their wife," he joked.
Veddy interesting comment, considering Ed-babe has never been married. Could these types of off-the-cuff comments be why seductive Salma Hayek left Ed back in the day? I hardly think so, but it raises the question, no?
Oh, and the next night, those unstoppable Aussies in Film held yet another one of their saucy screenings of the same flick, for which Watts, dressed down in jeans (and no Liev or Ed in sight—just Painted costar Toby Jones) showed up to take audience questions. I planned to just stop by and listen, as I'm a huge fan of the film, which is subtly poignant and exquisitely acted—based on the W. Somerset Maugham book about a doc and his cheating, wandering wife in cholera-laden China—which means it'll prolly make three cents, but here's hoping I'm wrong!
Poo. Even though irascible and behemoth rugby star Ian Roberts was in the audience, I've never been so disappointed by a bunch of Down Under types in my life. Stupid-ola question after inane utterance abounded. "Was the movie filmed in a real church?" was my personal fave, to which an apparently stupefied Watts, who was also a producer on the pic, muttered, "No...it was a set."
Clearly, it was time to take matters in my own hairy hands. I stood up. "An ape or a man who hates you for what you've done, Naomi?" I shouted from the back row. "Which is more difficult to conquer in a scene of romantic tension?"
"Oh, the ape," she practically exhaled, either at the memory of those come-hither King Kong moments or the relief of having a somewhat alive query to answer. "Absolutely."
Funny. Woulda guessed just the opposite, you?