The Bella Twins are taking a nod from The Bachelor.
Remember that group date in which the ladies had to write—and even worse, read aloud—erotic love stories about Matt James? Well, to honor their own men, Nikki Bella and Brie Bella, along with Kaitlyn Bristowe, made similar creations.
The former Bachelorette joined the Total Bellas stars on Wednesday, Jan. 27's episode of The Bellas Podcast to talk all things Dancing With the Stars following her winning season with Nikki's fiancé Artem Chigvintsev, but the trio's conversation eventually wandered into Bachelor Nation territory. Nikki suggested they each perform their own "sex poems," and boy, they did not disappoint.
Kaitlyn, who's dating Jason Tartick, went first and set the bar high: "I had longed for this man since the day of my birth. I dreamt about the condom I would use from my purse. When I touched his peen, I was filled with mirth. I loved the width. I mostly loved the girth. It was the bestest d--k on mother earth."
The former WWE stars were impressed, to say the least. Up next? Nikki. "Mine's not that good and mine doesn't rhyme," she warned her sister and Kaitlyn. "But I'm gonna try to take you guys to a place in my life..."
Nikki continued: "I pull into the driveway so, so thirsty. I go into the house and there I find Artem, topless and cooking a Tomahawk steak for two. The juices are dripping. He's sweating. And all I can think about is that my man looks so tasty. So I walk over to him. He kisses me hello, grabs me behind the neck and gives me that look of hunger—but not for the steak, for me. He then dips me and starts to kiss my breasts all the way up to my neck, then my face. Then he throws me against the refrigerator, tears off my clothes and then he...starts to cry?"
"Wait, that's Matteo crying," she added, frantically. "S--t, Matteo's crying! My boobs are leaking and Artem's asleep next to me. It was all just a dream."
Last but certainly not least was Brie, who came up with her poem about hubby Daniel Bryan (born Bryan Danielson) on the spot.
"I walk into my house and I slowly make my way to my bedroom," she began. "I go into my bathroom and I slowly undress. As my clothes hit the floor, I see my husband walk into the room as he gets into the bed. I put on my robe and I don't close it; I leave it wide open. As I slowly make my way to the bedroom, I get under the covers, but I leave my feet out. Bryan slowly touches my body and he makes his way all the way down and he starts massaging my feet. Then I start thinking to myself, 'Yes, yes, yes...'"
What comes next? Brie making dramatic snoring sounds.
Listen to the hilarious, obviously NSFW episode of The Bellas Podcast here before tomorrow night's Total Bellas season finale.