Riverdale Plays Football, Uncovers Evil Football Scheme

Riverdale actually did some high school-related things, and also some very, very non-high school-related things.

By Lauren Piester 23 Jan, 2020 2:39 AMTags
Riverdale, Season 4The CW

Welcome back, friends, to the most deranged show on TV. 

In a shocking turn of events, tonight's Riverdale was about things that are actually high school-related. Sure, Veronica's still making and selling rum (that admittedly sounds kind of delicious), but other kids are playing football, fighting for control of the cheerleading squad, and writing articles for the school newspaper. 

Yes, of course there's an evil plot on the Stonewall Prep football team to play as violently as possible (the more violent, the more the coach will pay you), and yes of course the cheery football article Betty was supposed to write turned into an unpublishable expose, and of course all of this required Veronica to go undercover at a football party, where she served them her delicious-sounding rum, and only uncovered the secret fact that Jughead had joined his school's secret society and it was even a secret from Betty.

"I didn't tell you, because it's a secret society." 

Sir, do you know what show you're on? There's no way any secret society on Riverdale is possibly good news, even if it did get you a somewhat shady book deal. 

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Archie also looked to his newly appeared uncle for comfort and help, which pissed his mother right off. Apparently Fred had once covered for his brother and got a DUI on his record, and he's not Archie's new parent, and now Archie's grounded, but obviously he can still play in the all-important football game. 

Riverdale then lost that all-important football game to Stonewall, but Betty decided she's going to try to beat them in a trivia competition instead, and Jughead learned both he and evil Stonewall captain Brett both got into Yale, which was an awkward thing because Betty had not gotten into Yale, but she can still kick ass at a trivia competition. 

Watch: "Riverdale" Star Madelaine Petsch Inspires This Makeover!

But then, we got a flashforward to later in the year, when apparently Jughead has been murdered. Betty's in Jug's empty dorm at Stonewall, crying over a box of his stuff. Brett comes to the door.

"Save your tears. No one's watching," he says. "You got your wish, Ponytail. Forsythe isn't going to Yale, so I guess it'll just be me and you in New Haven." 

Congrats to Betty for eventually getting into Yale after all? 

Another thing that happened is that Veronica's dad, a constantly confusing figure, decided to sue his daughter for patent infringement because her rum is too close to his rum, so she solved that problem after licking a delicious maple-flavored snow cone courtesy of Cheryl. She's gonna mix her rum with Cheryl's maple syrup, creating something very sticky that "tastes like money." 

Don't drink maple syrup, probably? 

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At some point over the past few seasons, we switched from rooting for these teens to worrying about them, and wishing their parents were a lot less evil and out of touch and doing a lot more actual parenting because there are a lot of genuinely concerning things going on. For instance, we can't help but agree with Principal Honey and the new cheerleading coach he hired that Cheryl is not equipped, mentally or just in general, to run a whole team of cheerleaders. 

We have seen Cheer. We know how hard that is to do! (Though like, would Cheryl even make mat?!) 

Anyway, next week's episode is a Betty and her team facing off against Brett and his team in a quiz competition and we've got to wonder where we are and how we got here and what and why is any of this happening and can it never stop? Love you, Riverdale. Never leave us again. 

Keep up with all the Jughead-is-dead clues below. 

Season 3 Finale: Spring Break Senior Year (Flash Forward)

We see Betty, Archie, and Veronica in their underwear standing around a fire. Betty says this: "We have to burn all of our clothes, including Jughead's beanie. We'll wash off the blood in the swimming hole. After tonight, we never speak of this, ever. Not to each other, not to our parents. No one. We finish our senior year, we graduate, and we'll go our separate ways. That is the only way that we won't get caught." 

Archie throws Jughead's hat in the fire. 

Season 4, Episode 2: Spring Break (Flash Forward)

We see FP leading a search party in the woods in the rain, including Betty, Kevin, Archie, and Veronica, and they're all yelling for Jughead. 

Season 4, Episode 3: Stonewall Prep

Jughead starts at a new boarding school, Stonewall Prep, where his grandfather went for a few months. He's living with familiar roommate Moose and unfamiliar and unfriendly roommate Bret. Bret and Jughead quickly became enemies, and we quickly saw that Bret has a thing for family legacies. Instead of going after Jughead, Bret started tormenting Moose. 

Season 4, Episode 4: The Stonewall 4

Jughead learned of the Stonewall Four, four students who disappeared and were never seen again. Jughead nearly disappeared in this episode when he was trapped in a coffin, but that turned out to be a hazing ritual. Moose, meanwhile, really did fully disappear. 

Season 4, Episode 4: Shady Charles?

Betty was happy to believe that her half brother (who is also Jughead's half brother, don't think about it too much) is who he says he is, but we saw that he was shadily listening to her phone conversation with Jughead. He's up to something, for sure. 

Season 4, Episode 4: Riverdale Coroner's Office (Flash Forward)

Jughead's dead! Or at least he appears to be in a scene that shows Betty and FP looking down at a dead body that looks an awful lot like Jughead. This scene curiously didn't tell us when it was taking place, but we can only assume it's around the spring break shenanigans. 

Season 4, Episode 5: Forsythe Jones the First

Jughead learned a lot more about his grandfather, and there was one alumni writer who was particularly interested in that family history, and really wanted to meet Jughead's dad at a school event. 

Season 4, Episode 5: Jughead's Writing Assignment

Jughead and his writing class are currently in the midst of a contest to become the next ghostwriter of his favorite mystery books, and their assignment is to write the perfect murder. Cut to: 

Season 4, Episode 5: Biology Class, Spring Semester (Flash Forward)

FP barges into biology class, where Betty, Archie, Veronica, Kevin, and Reggie are all working.  

"Archie Andrews, Betty Cooper, and Veronica Lodge, you're under arrest for the cold-blooded murder of my son Jughead Jones," he says. 

Season 4, Episode 8: Witness Line-up

Betty, Archie, and Jughead stand in a witness line-up, with Jughead's seminar classmates confirming that yes, those are the kids they saw murder Jughead. 

Season 4, Episode 9: Dark Betty

In what appears to be the direct aftermath of Jughead's murder, Archie confirms that Jughead is dead, and then we see Betty, holding a rock, just like the one her dark self used to murder a cat (in her mind?). 

Riverdale airs Wednesdays at 8 p.m. on The CW.