ABCEllie Kemper is figuring out how to be a mom of two—and making some hilarious choices while she's at it.
The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt star revealed on Wednesday's Jimmy Kimmel Live! that adjusting to life with her new baby, Matthew, 1 month, and her firstborn James, 3, has been quite the experience.
"Everyone warned me, of course," Kemper, 39, told host Jimmy Kimmel during his stint in Brooklyn. "Like, 'You need to shower the older one with, like, attention and love. You don't want them to feel left out.'"
Her attempts to make her eldest feel seen are perhaps a bit too strong. "I am going overboard," she joked. "I am, like, so worried about James feeling left out that I find myself, like, insulting the baby to, like, win James' approval. I'm like, 'Matthew's a baby. He's dumb.' It's so mean to the baby! The baby's, like, seven weeks old, he's like, 'Ah!' I'm like, 'You know, James, Matthew can't do what you can do because he's an idiot.' So mean!"
But, in case her newborn see this when he grows up, she sent him a little message. "I love you, Matthew," she told the cameras. "But you're a little dumb."
Of course, she doesn't actually think her baby is dumb. She's just trying really hard to help James adjust. "James knows what I'm saying," Kemper continued. "And I'm a people pleaser, so I'm like, 'Matthew will never remember that I said this, but James will.'"
When asked how she's feeling after adding one more to the family, Kemper kept it real.
"It's a complicated thing," she admitted. "I mean, I will answer you honestly. It feels so strange. It's like—someone made this comparison to me. You have the love of your life, and then one day you just bring home someone like, 'Oh, by the way, this other person will be joining us too.' It's complicated."
In Kimmel's eyes, it's oddly similar to one of his favorite shows. As he joked, "It's like The Bachelor, really, in a way."
James and Matthew, will you accept this rose?