The Bachelorette Premiere: Which Guy Is Winning So Far?

Hannah B has handed out her first official roses and we have a LOT of thoughts.
By Lauren Piester 14 May, 2019 2:33 AMTags
The Bachelorette, Hannah BrownABC

Is it just us or was that the cutest Bachelorette premiere that you ever did see? 

Most of the guys seemed very fun and not nearly as embarrassing as we've come to expect from the men on this show, but it was really Hannah who proved herself to be quite the star. That's especially true if you like watching guys who deserve to be yelled at getting yelled at, because she did some of that in tonight's premiere. 

With some help from very helpful spies Demi Burnett and Katie Morton, she learns that one of the guys has a girlfriend, or had a girlfriend right up until the most recent Monday before heading to LA to try to date Hannah. She confronts him, and he tries to deny it and then play it off like it's nothing, and then fully admits, "Yes, I was dating a girl before I got on the show, up until Monday if you want me to be completely honest...if that bothers you, I'm sorry but do I think this is someone who I'm going to marry long term? No, I don't." 

Yeah, that made it better, Scott. 

Watch
Chris Harrison: Hannah B.'s "Bachelorette" Starts as a "Trainwreck"

Hannah starts to shut it down, and then Scott dared to bring up the fact that Hannah was just dating Colton up until like, a week ago. That is, first of all, inaccurate, because The Bachelor films months before it actually airs. Second of all, that's how this show works, bud. Bye! 

Hannah didn't even just send him away. She walked him outside and sort of shoved at the air as if to swat a really big fly, and the whole thing really set the tone for the season. Hannah is not messing around, and even if the cynic in us is accusing Scott of being a douchey producer plant, Hannah's handling of the situation was satisfying and fun to watch, and if that's how she handles these guys being dumdums all season, we will have a good time. 

There are definitely some guys who made an impression (and one who got the first impression rose), and a few of those guys actually ended up going home. Then a whole bunch of guys got roses who we barely even met, so it was a real mixed bag of results and emotions there at the end. 

Below, we've done a bit of ranking of every single guy who got out of a limo tonight, from the current winner to the absolute loser based on their performance on the show and our first impression of them. Hannah may not agree, but she doesn't have to. We're making the rules of our own game here. (Kidding, there are no rules.) 

(P.S. If you haven't yet perused the bios of all the men on Hannah's season, please do so now. You will not regret it.)

WINNING: Tyler C.

Tyler C. is officially our favorite, on and off screen. His Twitter account is delightful. His Instagram is delightful. He chooses his words to Luke very carefully. He loved that Hannah was down for naked bungee jumping, even if it wasn't with him, because he likes that she makes her own decisions. He brought her a bouquet of flowers in the middle of the group date. If Hannah doesn't end up with Tyler C., we will be first in the line that will surely form (if he's not the next Bachelor). 

Peter

Well hot damn Peter the Pilot. That sauna date was indecently sexy, and Hannah and Peter just look so comfortable together. He seems fun, they have fun together, and we're very much on board with Pilot Pete. 

Garrett

Garrett jumped to the forefront of the Luke situation last week, but this week he made up for it with a jump of a different kind. Even though they were absolutely terrified, he and Hannah went naked bungee jumping, and then had a really good conversation over dinner. 

Then the Luke drama unfolded over that naked bungee jumping, but Garrett kept his cool as best he could in the face of a man who was not keeping his cool. 

Mike

 

Mike's still there, still in the game, doing his best in the midst of all the Luke, still smiling that heart-melting smile. 

Connor S.

Connor is still there, but he's barely spoken for weeks. We actually had to rewind the episode a couple of times to actually make sure he was physically still there. 

Jed

Ohhhh Jed. Jed was doing so well, and still is on screen. Off screen...it appears he was perhaps even worse than Scott, the guy who Hannah dramatically threw out in the premiere for having a girlfriend. Jed allegedly had a girlfriend for four months before the show, and just wanted to promote his music career. Looks like he left that out of his little confession to Hannah about the music! 

Onscreen this week, he really pulled out all the stops, even appearing at Hannah's window to sing her a song. He was then in Hannah's bed singing her a song, until she slowly pulled that guitar away...But can we just be honest and say Jed's made up song about Riga there at the end was the best he's ever sounded? 

LOSING: Luke P.

"You going naked bungee jumping with Garrett felt like a slap in the face...but I just want you to know that I will support you even when you make boneheaded decisions" is basically the speech Luke thought was going to win him a date rose. 

This man continues to impress with just how boneheaded he is. And yet he still ended up with a rose.

ELIMINATED: Dylan

Dylan seems great and has a pretty fun fashion sense, but he was very much on the sidelines throughout the season. We hope to see more of Dylan in the future. 

ELIMINATED: Dustin

Dustin seems like a really nice guy who got to say maybe two words the entire season, which is unfortunate but not unusual this season. Maybe he can secure a spot in Paradise to prove he's a really nice guy?

ELIMINATED: Kevin

Kevin's two standout moments this season: Getting mysteriously injured during rugby, and accidentally discovering Hannah in Jed's lap in the castle. And now he is no more. 

ELIMINATED: Grant

Grant is still just the unemployed guy who brought a hotdog to the mansion on night one, and now he's gone. Bye, Grant. 

ELIMINATED: Devin

Devin, you never once made an impression and that is really too bad. We don't even know what "situation" Luke was referring to with you and Dylan. Good luck to you, Devin. 

ELIMINATED HIMSELF: Luke S.

Luke S. didn't deserve this but he's probably got a bright future in Paradise. Hopefully his sacrifice was worth it and Luke P. will soon be gone.

ELIMINATED: John Paul Jones

John Paul Jones was only ever John Paul Jones, nothing more and nothing less. We will miss him. And if he's not in Paradise there will be a revolt. We need more John! Paul! Jones! 

ELIMINATED: Matteo

We are so, so disappointed that Matteo never even spoke, let alone got to tell Hannah about the fact that he's fathered 114 children via sperm donor. What a letdown that fun fact was. 

ELIMINATED: Jonathan

Jonathan is really going to have to step it up if he wants us to remember anything about him! 

ELIMINATED: Joey

We still don't remember Joey, so either he got very little screen time or we've confused him with one of the other guys who looks exactly like him. 

ELIMINATED: Cam

Why Cam got a rose in episode two after all his barging in is beyond us, and why Cam wasn't immediately sent home after losing it on Mike is equally beyond us, but Hannah came to her senses in episode three. 

Our new catchphrase? NBC. Never. Be. Cam. 

That said, there's no way that guy doesn't show up in Paradise. 

ELIMINATED: Tyler G.

Tyler G. got the first one-on-one date of the season, which involved a helicopter ride and four-wheelers in the mud. He and Hannah seemed to have a fine time but Tyler G. made no impression on us whatsoever, and then Hannah announced that he had to leave. So bye Tyler G! 

ELIMINATED: Connor J.

Au revoir, Connor J. 

ELIMINATED: Matthew

Could not tell you a single thing Matthew did or said. 

ELIMINATED: Daron

Goodbye Daron. We hardly knew ye. In fact, we didn't know ye at all. 

ELIMINATED: Chasen

Hannah really likes his name and the paper airplane was a really cute choice. If only he weren't immediately shown up by Peter in his actual pilot's uniform, maybe he would have gotten a rose!

ELIMINATED: Ryan

Ryan rolled up on roller skates and then rolled right out of there into the night. :( 

The Bachelorette airs Mondays at 8 p.m. on ABC.