If only we could all have Oprah as our life coach. 

Lindsay Lohan and her Beach Club employees are doing some bonding in next week's episode by sharing their goals, dreams, and life advice, and of course Lindsay's ends with the kind of life advice we wish we could follow: Always call Oprah. 

"She's my 911. I ask her for advice before I do anything," Lindsay says in the exclusive clip above. 

Her full list of life goals reads: "My purpose is to make people happy. Be strong for friends & family. Love & be loyal. Gratitude. Change the world. Always call Oprah." 

"I'm keeping this," says Panos, Lindsay's business partner. But if he tried it, would Oprah accept his call? 

Lohan's little bonding experiment has a purpose behind it, as she explains. 

"I hope they learn that they really need to just treasure and value themselves more than everything else around them. That's what I've learned over time, so all I can offer is what I know, and what I've experienced." 

Lindsay Lohan's Beach Club, which premiered Tuesday, documents Lindsay and Panos hiring and training a group of hot Americans to be VIP hosts at their exclusive beach club in Mykonos, and so far it appears that Lindsay is working hard to be both a boss and mentor to her employees...even if her best life advice is, as we said, completely unattainable to people who aren't Lindsay Lohan. 

Lindsay Lohan's Beach Club airs Tuesdays at 8 p.m. on MTV. 

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