Nearly five years after the death of husband Hugh Hefner, Crystal Hefner is crystal clear on who she is.
In a recent Instagram post, the self-described model turned traveler got candid about all the internal "suffering" she has faced while in the public eye. "As most of you know, I grew my following during my 'Playboy' years," she said. "In short, sex sells."
But now at age 35, Crystal feels she is more "authentic" than ever, saying she feels like "I belong more to myself." That realization came in part from removing "everything fake" from her body, purging her old photos and embracing what she suggested to be the antithesis of her past life: modesty.
"I don't know whether I felt empowered by dressing scantily clad, showing cleavage, etc …or if I just felt it was expected of me," she shared, "but now I can confidently and 100% proudly say, modesty is what empowers me these days."
Crystal explained, "It feels so much better internally, it will probably be this way for the rest of my life."
It's been a 13-year journey, one she embarked on in 2009. That was the year she became Playboy Playmate of the Month and starred on the TV series The Girls Next Door, alongside her future husband Hugh and co-stars Holly Madison, Bridget Marquardt and Kendra Wilkinson.
Crystal married the magazine publisher in 2012 (about two years after he split from second wife Kimberley Conrad), and their union lasted until his death in 2017 at age 91.
Since then, she's been open about her struggles at the infamous Playboy Mansion. Last December, Crystal posted a picture from 2016 and recalled, "It was toward the end when I started saying no to things that weren't me. Hair got more natural, implants came out. No more fake tan or life. I was still sick physically and mentally, but on the road to recovery."
She said she's "torn" when talking about the mansion, "because in a lot of ways it was a sanctuary to me, but in other ways, it was my prison."
"The same with Hef," the health advocate continued, noting that he was "good" to her in many ways, but in others, "he wasn't."
"I'm still healing from certain experiences," she added. "It feels very contradictory at times to reflect back. I really want to start opening up and being honest with you guys about it all."
Below, take a look back at Crystal's transition from being a Playmate to becoming her "real" self.