Chris Haston/BravoBoy, Kelly Dodd is wasting no time making enemies on The Real Housewives of Orange County.
The newbie Housewife came in hot on her first episode, rubbing Shannon Beador the wrong way at Heather Dubrow's yacht party, and just a few later, she and Shannon were playing a game of "It was you"-"Who?" red-faced verbal volleyball at Ms. Beador's strangely sparsely attended '70s party, ensuring that the two would likely never see eye-to-eye. (Shannon's really proven herself not to be a forgive-and-forget kind of gal.) And tonight, she leveled up, unleashing a flood of foul language at the Last Drunken Hurrah party thrown by Tamra Judge for Meghan King Edmonds the night before her insemination—earning herself the ire of a usually level-headed Heather.
It was all going so well at the onset. Kelly was deploying her favorite (casually racist?) joke about the Japanese adding an "-o" to the end of the every word. Vicki Gunvalson was continuing her apology tour by presenting Meghan with some gift and a request to be friends that she later admitted in an interview she didn't really mean. And Shannon was stewing in the corner, angry that people she didn't like were invited to a party she was also attending. It was proving to be a real good time!
And then Meghan had to go and bring up Kelly's ill-fated lunch with Shannon, clearly in the dark that Tamra had since informed Kelly that Shannon's "friend" Nina basically called her a prostitute at the '70s party. Her anger triggered anew, Kelly was basically seeing red and went on a (possibly drunken, you be the judge) tirade wherein she called Shannon a "freaking c--t" and Tamra a "dumb f--k." And at that moment, she lost the higher ground, which is a shame because she was right to be angry. Someone was going around town, and in front of cameras, saying she "sucked d--k" to pay her bills. You'd be livid too. But when you can't keep your own anger in check long enough to make reasonable points that don't simply drag the situation further into the mud.
Well, all the screaming and name-calling did not sit well with Heather. And she let Kelly know it: "I am not doing this. This is not OK. This is lowbase bulls--t, and I am not doing this. Kelly, this is not OK. I think that you are probably a very good person at heart. This behavior is not acceptable. Leave."
"Leave? What are you, like, the boss," Kelly asked, stunned.
Not wanting to fight the matter any further, Heather took her own advice and hightailed it out of there, but not before telling Tamra that she never wanted to be around the woman again and telling Vicki she needed to "apologize for her s--t, too." Why? Because she was heated and she just wanted to keep yelling, probably.
So, Heather sobbed on the phone with Terry in the car home—though we watched real closely to try and spot some actual tears and couldn't (you can never truly trust an actress Housewife unless you see real tears)—while Kelly shut down the party alongside Vicki and Tamra, all while introducing the world to her Heather Dubrow impression. And as all Real Housewives fans know, that's as close to a formal declaration of war as you're bound to get.
Are you Team Kelly or Team Heather? Let us know in the comments below.
The Real Housewives of Orange County airs Mondays at 9 p.m. on Bravo.