Today's philosophy riddle: Does a despicably bad remake of a modern horror classic truly exist if no one cares? Well, that's the deserved fate of this witless, tween-targeted, scare- and blood-free snoozer about the babysitter alone in the house (the original had the weirdly cool Carol Kane; now it's the exotically pretty Camilla Bell) who's tormented by ominous phone calls.
And as everyone knows--yes, even the nine-year-olds this thing was made for--the calls are coming from inside the house! Where the original had shocks, jolts, creepiness and the horror of a child-murdering monster, this cute-ified version has spooky black cats that jump out of closets and a heroine who can't even be bothered to register fear on her face. When this stranger catches you, he just kills you with boredom.