Well, it's loud. But even the ear-bleeding heavy-rock soundtrack can't cover up the sucking sound of a toothless vampire flick that never should've seen the light of day. (Too bad the early rumors that this adaptation of the popular Anne Rice novel was going straight to video weren't true.) Stuart Townsend--hardly a replacement for Tom Cruise and looking primed for the next Crow sequel--is the vampire Lestat, taking a bite of the modern world as lead singer of a popular goth-metal band.
Revealing secrets of the undead to the media, he ticks off other batty bloodsuckers and awakens the queen mother, Aaliyah. Many neck holes and plot holes later, they all have a big sucky showdown, and, frankly, it's hard to give a damn. Aaliyah fans will be disappointed, as the late singer's not so sizable role consists mostly of her undulating across shoddy sets. The rest of us will be biting mad, because this movie doesn't just suck, it blows.