"As I was getting ready for the show this afternoon, I suddenly got very nervous about hosting. But then I remembered the advice my mom gave me about overcoming stage fright," she said in her monologue. "I drank an entire box of chardonnay, and I feel much better!" She promised viewers a "great show," saying, "My utter obsession—our Lord, Jesus, God, Kim Kardashian—is here." The mother! actress "recently went to Kim's house for dinner," she said, "which was the best night of my life. I drank five martinis and wound up naked in her closet—I'm dead serious!"
"I'll ask her about it," Lawrence said. "We'll talk about that."
And talk about it they did.
At the start of the interview, Lawrence warned her special guest to "buckle down and get comfortable." For her first question, she asked, "Do you think it's a coincidence Reggie Bush's wife looks just like you? I don't." Kardashian laughingly replied, "I thought this going to be fun!"
After discussing the first time they met, at a hotel in New York, Lawrence recalled a separate run-in with her husband, Kanye West: "That was the same hotel where I was taking off my bra underneath my shirt and Kanye tapped me on the shoulder. I was like, 'What?! Oh...my...God!"
The conversation swiftly turned to a dinner Lawrence had with Kardashian's famous family about two weeks ago. "I've never seen my mom more drunk in our lives," the E! star said of Kris Jenner, just moments before producers unearthed a video of Jenner and Lawrence drunkenly dancing by the staircase. "They had a few too many drinks for my taste," added Kardashian, who drank tea that night. Lawrence said she remembered "getting naked" in a closet and "ordering" Kardashian to dress her. "I looked amazing, as you can see in that video. And is my memory correct—did you call Kanye to come up in the closet? Did you want him to style me?"
"No. You said, 'I'm not joking. I really want Kanye to style me.' And so I said, 'OK,'" said Kim, who is currently expecting her third child via surrogate. "And then I come back in and you're fully butt naked, and I'm like, 'Um, I'm going to intercom downstairs and tell him to not come upstairs.' We put on one of my mom's dresses, and you wore it throughout the whole dinner."
"Oh, I have it!" Lawrence confessed. "I went home in it."
During their boozy dinner, Lawrence decided to play a game—but Kardashian had to remind her what it was. "You were like, 'OK, if you could save the world, who would you rather sleep with: DonaldTrump or Kim Jong-un?'…I think we were just laughing so hard we didn't choose."
"I would have made you choose," Lawrence said. "I get very aggressive when I'm drunk."
Lawrence also joked about Kardashian's phallic KKW Beauty tools. "This is one of her products, which I think I have...Oh, wait! Never mind," she laughed. "I don't have that. This is for...blush?"
"It's for contour. It's not what you think it is. I guess when I was doing that, I never thought [about it]," she said. "All my things are a flesh color, so I get it, but that's not really the color of..." Lawrence interjected to say it's "not the flesh color" that made her "think it was a dildo!"
Kardashian winked and told Lawrence, "I usually see darker colors, so it didn't come to mind until after the fact when I was posting it on social media. I was like, 'Oh, s--t, this looks a dildo.'"
Throughout the interview, Lawrence proceeded to ask Kardashian several bold questions:
• "Do you and Kanye fart in front of each other?"
• "Is [Khloe Kardashian] in on you being subtly rude to her, or are you just subtly rude?"
• "Who of all of your sisters lost their virginity first?"
• "Have you ever been cheated on? How did you find out?"
• "How many ex-boyfriends are still in your phone?"
• "On the count of three, I want us both to name your craziest ex-boyfriend. 1, 2, 3...KrisHumphries!"
• "What is the most incorrect rumor you've ever heard about yourself?"
• "If you were stranded on a desert island with one member of your family, who would you kill last? I mean, just siblings. But, I mean...if you were going to kill a kid, what kid would it be?"
• "What is the weirdest thing Kanye does?"
• "Do you have normal couple things, where you, like, argue over who to hire to take out the garbage every day?"
• "How many of Kanye's albums can you name?"
• "Have you talked to [O.J. Simpson] since he's gotten out of prison?"
• "Has Kanye ever written songs about you that we don't know about?"
• "What do both of you wear to sleep? Do you ever sleep in socks?"
• "How did you pick your surrogate and why didn't you ask me? Was I even in the conversation?"