News of Carrie Fisher's death hit Kevin Smith hard Tuesday.
Less than an hour after E! News confirmed the actress had died at age 60, the 46-year-old filmmaker and famous Star Wars fan took to Instagram to pay tribute to his "first love." Sharing a picture of himself posing with Fisher and Jay Mewes on the set of Spoilers, he began, "The Princess stole my heart at age 7. Anybody who knows me knows Carrie Fisher was my first love. I thrilled to the adventures of Princess Leia in the Star Wars movies, but from '77 to '84, I was in love with Carrie Fisher herself. My bedroom was filled with Carrie Fisher pictures from any movie she was ever in (including Polaroids I took off the TV when The Blues Brothers hit cable)."
Smith's love for Fisher ran so deep that he was actually "jealous" of Paul Simon when the singer dated his celebrity crush back in the day. In fact, the director "wouldn't listen to his music until they split up." Smith also recalled seeing Fisher and Chevy Chase's Under the Rainbow nine times when it was in theaters—mostly because she "was in underwear in one scene," he joked.
"In childhood, I committed myself to Carrie Fisher without ever meeting her the way novice Nuns commit themselves to Christ without meeting Him," he said. "Decades later, I got to tell her this when Carrie Fisher and Jay Mewes were in a station wagon on the set of Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. She was gracious about hearing it for the zillionth time from the zillionth man or woman who grew up idolizing her, but wickedly added, 'I'm glad to know I helped you find your light saber.' And with that, she stopped being Carrie Fisher to me and just became Carrie."
"That's the Carrie I'll always remember: the dutiful standard-bearer of childhood dreams with a the wicked sense of humor and a way with words. She didn't want to get paid for her role in Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back; instead, she asked that we buy her these antique beaver chairs," the director said. At the time, Fisher joked, "Beaver seems an appropriate currency for this movie."
Smith's love affair with Fisher continued for years. "When she was a guest on Season 1 of our Hulu show Spoilers, Carrie curled up in the throne like she belonged there," he said, referencing the picture he shared with his fans just after her death. "And she did: after all, she was royalty."
"As a boy, I dreamed of marrying Carrie Fisher. As a young filmmaker, I dreamed of casting Carrie Fisher. As an adult, I dreamed of being as sharp-witted and prepossessed as Carrie Fisher," Smith wrote. "And now that Carrie Fisher is gone, I'll dream of my friend Carrie—whose entire magnificent career I was lucky enough to witness, whose honesty made me a better person, and whose spirit—like The Force—will be with us always. Goodnight, Sweet Princess..."