Well, my friends, the time has come to officially say goodbye to season eight of The Real Housewives of New York City. After an endlessly entertaining season—no joke, probably one of the franchise's best ever—and three hours of an alternately bonkers and boring reunion special, we've reached the end. And frankly, the time is right. We need a break from all this drama!
But before we bid Bethenny Frankel and all her besties (hah, we kid!) adieu, let's break down part three of the reunion by the numbers. And don't worry, you won't need a calculator. We promise.
Near Walk-Offs: Two
When Sonja Morgan got all in her feelings over being excluded from that disastrous trip to the Berkshires (trust us, Son, you were the lucky one!) and Dorinda Medley called her a "stupid idiot" while trying to explain how she only cared about Sonja's feelings (a real mixed message, we know), Lady Morgan stormed off. From across the stage, she demanded Dorinda admit that she didn't care about her before she'd sit back down—and then just sat back down anyway.
Later, Bethenny of all people leapt up to her feet when Luann de Lesseps wouldn't let her explain why she asked if the Countess and her fiance Tom D'Agostino Jr. were monogamous without interrupting her. She immediately sat back down, denying us our last chance at a proper storm out to one's dressing room.
Unique Definitions of "Village Idiot": One
While taking the utmost of offense at Bethenny's crack that she was like the village idiot, Dorinda offered up this definition of the phrase that you just have to read to believe: "A village idiot is someone that's an idiot that's very local." Uh, OK. Dorinda also seemed to believe that, by default, she couldn't be a village idiot because she wasn't from a village which is really missing the forest for the trees, if you ask us.
Times Andy Had No Chill: Two
As host, Andy Cohen regularly pushes the ladies beyond their comfort levels, but while discussing Luann's Tom and the Regency fiasco, he twice proved he could be savage AF. Once when he admitted he though Ramona was hiding more dirt on Tom and the other when Luann said it was the roughest thing she'd gone through in her life. His reply? "Worse than the pirate?" (He was referring to Luann's randy rendezvous—and subsequent attempted cover-up—with that Johnny Depp wannabe in St. Barts.) Like we said, savage.
Times We Were Let Down by Misleading Promos: One
Everyone working on the teaser for this episode really wanted us to believe that Ramona might have new dirt on Tom. Whether she did or not, she didn't have anything to say when Andy bit the bullet and asked her. Boo.
Times Jules Was the Smartest Woman in the Room: One
When Jules Wainstein admitted "Bethenny is the alpha of us," it may have been the wisest thing she said all season.
Times Luann Got to Smugly Hold Her Relationship Over Everyone's Heads: One
Shockingly low, we know. After Ramona remarked that Luann was the happiest she'd ever seen her and that she hoped to find happiness like that again, Lu didn't waste the opportunity to single out, by name, every one of her co-stars who was divorced and single while unconvincingly wishing them happiness.
Housewives Missing From the Final Group Hug: One
We saw you, Bethenny. We know you didn't get up from the couch.
What did you think of the conclusion to the reunion? Let us know in the comments below.
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