• Share
  • Tweet
  • Share

It was the coupling heard 'round the world, and now it's the breakup heard 'round the world.

When Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston got together at the beginning of the #SummerofHiddleswift, it was near impossible not to leer. Just look at these two—they were tailor-made (or should we say Taylor-made) for celebrity exhibitionist wonder. They're beautiful! They fell in love at the Met Ball (maybe)! They frolic on rocky beaches! Everyone everywhere instantly became enamored with the idea of their love. 

Except for those who didn't...because those who didn't were too busy being paranoid. And that's how we came to know the Hiddleswift Conspiracy Theories.

These ran rampant in the weeks after the couple's debut and subsequent world tour; Hiddleswift truthers would stop at nothing to convince the rest of society that the relationship was all part of some grand design that we were all too naive to notice. And now that word is out about Taylor and Tom's breakup, it's time to take another look at these theories to see if, given this new information, they hold any more water.

Are they totally ridiculous? Sure. Is it way too much fun to entertain the idea? Of course. 

Theory #1: The Music Video

Remember that time America believed for approximately one day that former 90210 star Jessica Lowndes was engaged to elderly comedian Jon Lovitz, only to be caught in an early April Fool's joke that was all an elaborate hoax for a music video? This one's kind of like that. These theorists believed that Taylor and Tom were not actually in a real relationship, but filming an incredibly expensive, multi-continent music video for her next single. 

They have a few facts on their side, like the sheer number of paparazzi photographs that have surfaced-slash-the amount of public places the couple was spotted. Or that Swift has released an album every other fall since 2006, meaning she's due for one anytime now and it would make sense that they were preparing a video over the summer. Or there's the fact that her video for "Wildest Dreams" featured people pretending to be in a relationship. 

But is it valid? We kind of, totally, secretly thought yes. Until today. Sure, one could argue that Swift is a classy lady who certainly wouldn't turn the lead-up to her potential album release into such a silly circus. And she obviously doesn't need to do publicity stunts as desperately as former 90210 stars do. (That said, artists are having to think of more and more creative and inventive ways to market themselves thanks to the streaming culture). But we just can't see a way that a breakup helps the forthcoming-album-narrative at this point, before said maybe-fake album is even announced. That said, there could be a super elaborate plan that involves Swift and Hiddleston confessing that even the breakup was fake, and that it was a music video all along and they announced the "breakup" so that they could quit pretending to date now that filming is over. But that's just a lot of ducks to keep in a row. 

Theory #2: Tom Goes Major League

Tom Hiddleston is not new to Hollywood. But he is new to superstardom. He's toiled along in his very respectable world of indie movies and supporting blockbuster roles for years now. He's been a boyfriend to many an Internet admirer, but he had yet to become a true household name.

Well not anymore!

This theory takes the cynical viewpoint that he was simply wooing Taylor with his adorable British accent and striking jawline in order to lift his own star power, only to toss her to the side once he becomes more famous. Hey, we didn't say this one would give you butterflies.

But is it valid? The jury is out. It is very incriminating that, according to sources, he was putting too much pressure on Taylor to be public with their relationship. We hate to live in a world where 1) Taylor Swift is totally taken for a ride by a guy and 2) Tom Hiddleston isn't a perfect, caring gentleman. So think what you will, but we'll be pretending we never heard this theory, thankyouverymuch.

Theory #3: Taylor the Bond Girl

Would you believe it if someone told you that Taylor Swift is just dying to be the next Bond girl, and that the best way she sees fit to make that dream come true is to cozy up to a rumored Bond casting possibility in hopes that the nepotism would get her the job should he actually be put in the movie?

Neither would we. Sorry, Bond girl truthers.

Theory #4: Idris Elba the Puppet Master

Let's journey back to the first Monday in May. The Met Gala. Taylor Swift and one Idris Elba were co-chairs of the event, which just so happens to be the serendipitous occasion of Hiddleswift's first sparks. Now, legend has it that Elba could also be up for the part of James Bond. If one were to attempt to dethrone Mr. Hiddleston as the front runner, one may want to ensure that he finds himself swept up in a raucous media circus. After all, it's clear that being Bond requires a little bit of mystery and a whole lot of class, two things that get proportionally lowered when you're chased by paparazzi and traveling on private jets.

So, this theory goes as follows: Idris Elba actually introduced Taylor and Tom at the Met Gala, in hopes that they would hit it off, act completely gauche, and ruin Tom's chances of the big role. This would make Taylor and Tom but innocent players in his evil master plot.

But is it valid? Guys, it totally could be! There are rumors out just today that the team behind the Bond franchise is supposedly trying to woo Daniel Craig back for even more installments, which would even further raise the stakes for Idris to get the gig. They're probably total rubbish, but it is uncanny timing. We'll just have to wait and see where the cards fall.

Theory #5: The Kimye Drama

Did you know that the same day that Taylor and Tom were spotted kissing on those rocks for the very first time, Kim Kardashian's GQ interview dropped, in which she accused Taylor Swift of being a liar? Of course you don't, because all anybody was talking about that day was The Kiss.

For review purposes, the interview centered around the T.Swift mention in Kanye West's song "Famous," which Taylor was totally blindsided by. In the story, Kardashian claims that not only did Tay agree to the lyric beforehand, but she agreed to bait the paparazzi about the fake feud and the Kardashian-Wests even have an audio recording of said agreement. Whether or not this is true, that allegation was damning. So what's a girl to do? Create a diversion, duh.

But is it valid? If this conspiracy theory were true, it would certainly make sense that the diversionary relationship didn't last past the summer. But it's also worth pointing out that Taylor has better things to do than worry about some GQ article. We're going to leave the rest up to you, reader, and keep our personal evaluation of this purposefully vague, because we're not trying to get swept up by the Illuminati. We know they're always watching Kim K.