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Bachelor in Paradise

ABC

We are not worthy!

Tonight's episode of Bachelor in Paradise was a Dream. Come. True., both for us and for one young lady named Ashley Iaconetti. We've been waiting all season for the arrival of Wells the hipster, with whom we fell in love during JoJo's season, and tonight, he finally made his entrance. It was honestly better than anything we could have imagined, and it's probably all thanks to the ghost of Ashley's dead dog, Lucy.  

Jared and Ashley were still discussing her sorta sabotage of his relationship with Caila, and Ashley broke down. She was sure that everything she thought about Caila was true, but she admitted that she was only telling Jared about it because she was still jealous, and she had no one else to distract her.

To the camera, Ashley also mused that perhaps she was also so emotional over the fact her dog, Lucy, had recently died. She hoped Lucy was watching over her, and was with her on that beach, guiding her out of her funk.

Cue a truly incredible montage of dogs on a beach, dogs on a pier, and Lucy floating in the sky, barking happy thoughts and well wishes to Ashley I. Of course, that was when Wells walked in.

The entire beach came together to encourage Wells to ask Ashley on his date. He seemed into it, Ashley seemed into it, and literally everyone was rooting for them. The gang, all gathered in the pool for the big announcement, all applauded and cheered when Wells asked Ashley out.

Bachelor in Paradise

ABC

Turns out they're weirdly perfect for each other. She loves the way his eyes contrast with his black brows. She loves the dogs on his Instagram. He thinks she's strikingly beautiful. He's lovably ridiculous, as indicated by him thinking no one else has heard of the Talking Heads, but he didn't really laugh when Ashley said her favorite band was Hanson.

A dog visited them on their date, and then they happened upon some children making wishes on floating lanterns. Ashley and Wells made their wish, and as they walked away happily, their lantern caught fire and fell to the ground. It could not have been more perfect.  

Meanwhile, Jared and Caila moved past Ashley by talking about how they're moving past Ashley, and we couldn't have cared less.

Ashley and Wells laid low for most of the rest of the episode, until one last straggler named Jamie arrived on the beach, and immediately asked Wells on a date. Ashley wasn't even awake yet, so Wells couldn't talk to her about it, even though he wanted to.

Ashley was surprisingly calm about this, until Caila and Jared started "flaunting" themselves in front of her. She sat down with Caila and told her that she's feeling better, and feeling good about her mental state, but obviously this is a process. She admitted that if Wells hadn't shown up, she would not be OK, which was obvious anyway.

Caila then asked if Ashley would prefer it if Caila just went home, which was basically the worst question she could have asked. What was Ashley supposed to say to that?

We didn't actually hear Ashley say yes, but Caila decided to go home anyway.

"I don't need to be here. I don't need the attention. I don't need any of that," Caila said, and she left. Bye! But clearly this is not the end of this.

Elsewhere, everything was all over the place.  

Lace wasn't talking to Grant for some reason, and we've sort of lost track of why they're not getting along because we don't like it. Luckily, after a day of Grant chasing Lace around asking her to talk, and her telling him to leave her alone, they reconnected. Lace had gotten scared, and Grant was worried about Lace being scared, but they're happy together, and we're happy about that.

Josh and Amanda, meanwhile, are just as they always are. Questioned by everybody, but happy together…or are they? There was a bit of a tiff as Amanda dared to go to sleep alone one night without warning Josh first, so he just kept thinking he was waiting on her to share the sex bed with him (we refuse to call it the Boom Boom Room). Josh threw a bit of a fit, then fell asleep moaning and dreaming of pizza.

Bachelor in Paradise GIF

ABC

Amanda and Josh were fine the next day during the cocktail party, but the twins and Nick were still super worried about a guy who would throw a fit over sleeping arrangements. Plus, there's Andi's book to never, ever forget. Nick explained why he believed the things that were said in the book, and the twins freaked out. Their vision of love as a fairytale was broken, and it kind of seemed like they were do distressed that they gave up on their own potential relationships.

At the rose ceremony, they decided not to give their roses to anyone, and to just leave the show together (meaning Canadian Daniel, Ryan (who?), and Carl (who?) were all eliminated)…but not before telling Amanda what they learned.

Amanda was at first confused by their speaking in unison and their repeated assurances to not freak out, but she was definitely unhappy. Of course, she immediately told Josh about what the twins said, and what they heard from some secret source. Somehow, Josh didn't immediately assume it was his rival Nick, so he confronted the group as a whole, and Nick spoke up.

Josh was livid. The best part was when Nick said that all he knows is that the parts of the book that were about him were true, so he had trouble believing that the parts about Josh were not true.

"All I know…is I need to try and work on this right now," was all Josh could say back, before going to track down Amanda. BUT THE BOOK IS 100% FICTIONAL!!

Even after she listed all of the people who warned her about Josh, Amanda decided to just ignore them all and trust Josh, based on something we apparently haven't been privy to. Amanda's been blinded by love and moaning, and there may be nothing anyone can do to save her.

Meanwhile, Evan and Carly are so in love. They told each other they're falling in love with each other. "How did I fall in love with the penis man?!" Carly wondered, as did we. Aww-ish! We're still not totally Evan fans, but we're getting there. He's growing on us.

And finally, we're not sure when Nick went from being the bad guy to being one of our faves, but that's a thing that just keeps happening on this show. M

Bachelor in Paradise airs Mondays and Tuesdays at 8 p.m. on ABC. 

Bachelor in Paradise GIF

ABC