There's something rotten in Rio (and the open-water swimmers reported no complaints when they hit the bay, FYI).
No, it's the stench of a story full of holes, if not plainly an ill-conceived cover-up gone awry, that has unfortunately infiltrated the final days of the 2016 Summer Olympics, which Team USA has dominated so far with 94 medals and counting, nearly twice as many as second-place Great Britain.
At the center of the burgeoning scandal is swimmer Ryan Lochte, a 12-time Olympic medalist and endorsement magnet who, while generally considered a nice guy, has been a fan favorite partly due to his signature brand of man-ditz (mitz?) he so endearingly yet exhaustively traded on after the 2012 London Olympics.
This is one of those long and winding road stories you just can't make up, so follow along closely. Spit in those goggles so they don't fog up, make sure you've got an extra cap tucked away and let's dive in: